Below a post of gratitude:
There is this friend I have and she is pretty darn special.
Her name is Chilhood Wonder.
I was reading a book yesterday which reminded me of her a lot. It is called the “Five Languages of Love” and they talk about how some people fill up your love tank and how others deplete them. She most definitely fills mine up.
She and I met in grade 4 and were the best of friends for so many years of our elementary and high school years. For me…she really made these years exceptional. I loved having a BEST friend and she was just that. We shared so much together, I biked fast and furiously to see her new haircut, we spent endless hours at the pool suntanning and talking about the cute older boys, we made up dances and skits and shared nuggets at McDonald’s together with our allowances. We tried to pretend to shoplift a jujube (a post for another time..) and we fought over mattresses, GOD! and swings. We belonged together and to each other and our elementary and high school years were filled to the brim with each other.
She made these years wonderful for me.
Childhood wonder is still a very, very big part of my life. She is one of my most precious friends. There were many years where our lives and our friendship changed…..but love was always there. Always. I knew in a second (and I hope she did too) that we were just a bike ride or meeting half way from each other. Both of us did a lot of changing over those years and our lives are very different still, if I had to say of all my friends who my life is most different from it is likely she and I; which is so funny because we spent so much of our lives growing up together. But these differences never tore us apart…….we continued loving each other and growing and changing in our own lives.
We were always there for each other for the big things and it was always such a comfort. Over the last few years our bond has strengthened a lot and we share so many parts of ourselves with each other. She is my texting buddy, my advisor in many ways for advice, my writing mind and the person I go to when I need to feel understood. She is an amazing listener and helper and sees things in different ways than I do which is so good for me. She is honest with me and honest in what she needs, She takes me out of my warm and comfy comfort zone and shakes it up every once in a while. She ask for what she needs in life…and I admire that so.
When I think of her I think of her parents and how much I adored them as a child. Their bagels with melted cheese, Pac-man, dips and veggies, Trident gum in the drawer. Those memories bombard my mind with comfort and peace and adoration. I loved the tradition their home held, church on Sundays and gin for her Dad in the adult living room at night. Kind words and hugs and gentle probing. Arms wide open for me too…imagine how good that felt?
(See at this point this is where the tears begin to flow as I write. Just thinking of those memories is enough to fill me up and lose it. Part of me growing apart in so many ways from Childhood Wonder and my Soul keeper too, was like a child going into adolescence…differentiating me from the ones I loved for independence and freedom).
In essence-they knew too much. So much more than everyone who met me later on. I am not quite sure with either of them around too often if I would have been able to estrange myself from my Father for the years that I did; to ignore that I was his daughter for such a length of time. They would have reminded me that I needed him back in my life, that I needed a Father..and I was not ready to hear that in those years in my life.
It is not coincidence that at the time I went through the process of forgiving my Father and myself that I allowed Childhood Wonder and my Soul Keeper back fully into my heart. These two events happened simultaneously….as I always knew they needed too. Maybe one day I will talk to these two girls more about this process for me..but for now I will just shyly write about it.
Both these women are strong and gracious and selfless in their affections. Both are able to be constant friends no matter what good or bad things are happening in their own lives. Neither of them ever takes a pause..from either their friendships or their priorities no matter what is going on. Both have been there for me always even when I have selfishly taken my own (needed) pauses.
So Childhood Wonder is still a wonder for me. We are so very different and so very much the same in so many ways. She has never been far-I have dreamt of her so often over the years, she was always so close in my mind and in my heart. And just like her parent’s love and home……her love for me is comforting and warm and secure. That is what she is-someone who loves me for who I am, and does not try to change me but rather patiently waits as I alter myself, and who takes the good with the bad, and who is there a shining force through the good times and bad times that life beholds for us both.
And just like those mini pizzas on bagels, there is always part of me who will run towards this kind of love and another part that will always fear it and run the other way. To be loved fully…..it’s scary in some ways as I grow up and leave my “adolescence “ behind….I realize how much further I have come in running towards things that make me feel good, instead of in the other direction paralyzed by fear that the things I love most will somehow go away..someday. Wouldn’t that hurt way too much?
So Childhood Wonder has been a very large part of my journey. As a woman, as a Mother, as a daughter and as a friend. She likely does not know it yet, but because of her…I have come further than I think I would ever have come without her in my life. A lot further.
And my heart is so eternally grateful.
I adore her baby girl and adore the beautiful and true person she has always been. My hearts aches for her pain in her troubled times and I look forward and forward to all the rainbows that I know are hers. I look ahead for her…because that is what I am good at and I think she understands that she can depend on me for that. That is the way I show love. It is my Love Language.
And this week especially I think of the two of us at Frontier Lodge, sleeping in our bunks and holding hands often….both receiving stickers and letters from our Mommies and sharing their contents. Being there for each other as we were fueled by the strengths of our Moms each in different ways.
And more than anyone I know when it comes to those Moms……..we understand eachother….and we will support each other. We grow up as daughter and as Moms together each in our own ways, because we were taught by two of the very finest of them all. Both fundamentally opposites in so many ways…both so very different…..but both so beautiful, and wonderful and strong.
Just like the two of us.
Learning the Love Lanaguages of the other. Taking some of that vocabulary and adding it to our own mothering suitcases. To enhance and diversify in wonderful and beautiful ways.
Thank You:)
Thank You:)
