At present I am co-authoring a book on Family with a very
well-known speaker, writer and coach. It is a truly exciting venture which will
come to life at the beginning of 2014. The focus of book is on families and
mainly deals with children 0-13 yet touches on the teen years throughout too. My
dream has always too in the future write another book on my own, about the
teenage years. How to get through them successfully and happily. How to start
in the early years to set this foundation and carry it out through the
turbulent adolescent years.
I always imagine myself on stage delivering a great
keynote about the teen years..and having survived and thrived. Maybe my
beautiful, successful and sweet 18-22 year old offspring would walk me out to
the stage and maybe say a few kind words about the amazing environment they
lived in, and how smart I was and sweet along the way? I always knew that I
could never write this book or give this speech until all three kids were happy,
and well adjusted, and living proof that deliberate parenting does make such a
difference in the teen years. I always knew I had to prove myself before I
opened my big mouth about anything-I knew they would all need to make it to 18
yrs only in one piece before I went making any promises. I knew that my time
they walked me out at that stage (all of us holding hands lovingly of course)
they would have to have lived through all this and gone through it all. One big
happy family.
Ya
well this weekend my future dreams took a big hit. A catapult actually.
Couldn’t anyone have told me that I was clueless? Let me
know that the “real” teen years had not hit my 15.5 yr old yet? Let me know
that all that attitude and talking back and general odd behavior was just the
appetizer to the main upcoming course? And that even now..this is nothing still…there
is still a second main course like in Italy..and maybe even a third one of dry
and hard and yucky and overcooked pork before you get to the little tiny bit of
ice-cream course to clean your platter (that by the way looks like butter)!
I can’t promise anymore that I am going to make a good
Mom to Real Teens. Sorry.
If I do make it to that stage I might be half dead and also
pushing my husband in a wheelchair not because he will be crippled but just too
tired to walk. I think I have been in la la land a bit and borrowing too many
pairs of rise colored glasses lately.
Chase is…driving us crazy. Plain and simple.
Yup.
And he hasn’t even yet done anything really wrong. Or
have purple hair. Or gone to wild parties. Or lied. It is just like he is in a coma. Unresponsive. Doesn’t answer
us. Doesn’t speak. Grunts here and there and has no time for manners, respect
or caring or hugs. Or any type of civilization for that matter.
Where did he go?
Ya and “lucky” me I now have a neurological drug to blame
this behaviour on. Is 27 mg making him more aggressive..Is 18 mg making him
more communicable….what is this drug doing? But you see it is not the drug at
all.
It
is the teen years.
So far we have escaped some of this madness. Not anymore
it seems. Sure! Why not choose our few relaxing weeks of summer to suddenly
make our family dysfunctional Chase! Lovely timing!
It was so extreme this weekend I even considered signing
him up to be a Jehovah Witness and figured that if could keep busy going door
to door speaking the word of the Bible maybe it would turn him around. Or
considered getting him a full time job and telling him enough school so that he
could have some real responsibilities. Or buy 6 dogs and make him walk them every
day. All, at the same time. As you can see ..I am feeling desperate.
So ya maybe not “letting” him take his Concerta this
morning was not such a great parenting decision after all. Hmm… and when I
think about it when he did not say goodbye to me in car maybe following him and
harassing him in the school courtyard was not helping out too much…….
But I am clearly losing it.
We all get to hope. And I am hoping that this weekend
will blow over, and summer will be fun, and exams will end and we will a back
get back to a normal level of sanity around here. I am hoping that it won’t
take 6 dogs and a new religion to make it all ok.
However as I have watched a number of movies over the
last few weeks about teenagers they all seem to be depicted very similarity.
Wild, disrespectful, closed in, disconnected. Some more extreme than others of
course and happy to not be in that camp/club (yet). But I am analyzing why this
stereotype is so prevalent? A stage all have to pass through to get to be a responsible
adult? Necessary?
I did not go through that stage at all. But I have also
as an adult had to work really hard to where I am at right now and still sometimes wonder if I have reached my destination?.Maybe a good
dose of rebellion as a teen is a prerequisite? If I analyze my contacts friends
and colleagues those who had a healthy dose of teen hood seemed to have faired
better as young adults too…hmmmm..maybe this weekend was a good thing????
(Warning raised colored glassed back on in full gear)
For now I will just keep the faith and hope that “this
too shall pass” I am just scared that with three of them passing through these stages
it will be a long long time before I can get up on that stage and look you in
the eye and tell you that teen hood is just dandy.
However my hope is still own that stage one day and have
my hands held by my adult kids and walking husband. To get up there no matter
what and share with you…me. To share with you all I can offer up..honestly…and
to give you what I feel I am craving…a true dose of reality.
And be a model of success and strength for many during
these challenging and turbulent times of teens.
To get up there and do what I have always done best:
Keep telling the truth.
And to keep rolling with the punches and get back up there and begin again.
To keep going. With a pretty smile on my face along the way most days of the week.
(when really what I want to do is smack him out of his coma)
