Ever since the moment our first son was born almost 16
yrs ago my husband and I made a pact. To be home for dinner as a family almost
all Tuesdays and Wednesdays nights in general. (and the weekends) Pre kids we
both used to get home at around 7:30m or 8pm Mon –Thursday and switched that up
pretty quickly when we started having babies. For 16 yrs my husband has worked
late Monday nights (really late as in often 11pm!) and Thursdays nights both of
us work late until often about 8pom. Tuesday and Wednesday we are home by 6:30
and always have family dinners. Of course there are exceptions, travel,
offistes, and business dinners. But we avoid anything we have control over
those nights and for 16 yrs. that has worked amazingly well for us.
We even have adjusted kid’s activities around this pact. Their
tutoring too. Even their part time tutoring job they do for the neighbor next door.
We protect this time like crazy at the expense of many swimming lessons,
soccer, dance lessons and anything else. If you are on a Tuesday or Wednesday
after 6pm…you don’t get to be on our priority list.
Until
the last 4 months came along. My husband has something
right now every Tuesday night that is important to him and we have made it a
priority. A real priority.
And boy do we feel this is our family. I can’t even
imagine being a family who does not put deliberate quality time aside for each
other……it must be so alienating. Just in four months we feel the pull and the
shift and the not being as connected. Throw in there about 7 weekends we have
not gone to the cottage all 5 of us (as there was often all or 1 missing this
Fall on weekends) and it is just plain sad. Having teens is a big adjustment to
lives, calendars and routines. Now that three of them will be in high school
next year we find ourselves fighting harder and harder to protect our time.
I am seriously hoping we can get back on track soon with
our schedules because what a difference it makes in a family. Study after study
show that eating together as a family is one of the healthiest things families
can do to decrease drug use, drinking, age of sexual activity etc….If that is
not enough to convince me of the importance of eating together-I don’t know
what is!
All that to say our lack of Tuesday night’s recently is deliberate
and has a much higher purposes that remains something I won’t be discussing on
this blog. And sometimes part of being a family is sacrificing for its members
and their needs at various points isn’t it? I can’t wait to get our 16 yr. routine back into place
but I also feel pride in knowing what matters and when. And for losing enough control
(in a good way) to let that all play out.
Part of growing up teenagers is also growing up and changing
ourselves. And growing and adapting right alongside them. And as I have one son
in grade 10 now and next yr the last year of highschool...I realize that very
soon our schedules will shift yet again….but when we get there they may be no
turning back. I can’t imagine our dinner table without him on Tuesdays or any
other precious night of the week. Imagining him in Cegep year and a half right now sometimes makes me feel physically ill.
“The
days are long but the years are short”
Trust me ...it's all so very very true
Make every moment count as often as you can.
