I have felt emotional
vulnerability many a time in my life. Whether is was from a fight my
hubby and I had, my son starting Concerta, a friend moving away, a child being rolled off into surgery,
troubles at work or a conflict with a BFF. It is not a feeling foreign to me.
Physical vulnerability I have felt less so. A few times that
stand out in my mind but far from often. Birth hardly without an epidural, the anesthesia
of surgery, back/neck problems that are chronic and reoccurring, etc..
Today I felt really really physically vulnerable.
Hubby and I headed out to a very secluded part of the beach.
We have the car that we give back tomorrow so we decided to drive to it and
then walk from there. All there is miles and miles of gorgeous, breathtaking
and calm waters. Massive and set back estate properties. Hardly a soul in
sight. After walking a mile or so a boat passed with three local men in it. All
the sudden my heart quickened a beat and I felt vulnerable. What if they
approached us and came near us and attacked us? No one would very know-I felt
exposed. On the boat went and the feeling passed.
Another half mile along-I sensed danger all of a sudden. The
feeling came back. This time it was not men but two guard dogs heading right towards
us and barking. They would not stop and I realized we were cornered. It was so
so scary. We headed into the water but had a backpack with all our cards and
phone etc. in it so did not go to deep. The dogs kept at us and kept circling
us and barking and barking. All the
sudden I had these horrible images of dying this way and being attacked by
dogs. Of one chewing me up and my husband having to watch or worse them chewing
him up and be having to watch. I realized that we were trapped and there was no
one around. We would have to walk miles in this water to get away as the dogs
would follow. I had memory flashes of being chased by a Doberman dog at my godparent’s
house as a child and the fear that accompanied it. (ok Caro6 stop laughing now
ok???)
Finally by some miracle they left. I tried to remember every
passage I have read in any book about animals and realized that ignoring them
was best. I felt a full on panic attack coming on and so this was hard with
tears streaming down my face to pretend all was normal. And I was angry at my
husband for taking us there and for me agreeing. He is my compass and I just
listen to whatever he tells me with stuff like this. Not good.
So they left and so did we and headed back.
That situation scared me to bits and made me realize how
life can change in an instant. By something as stupid as heading out to see a
secluded beach
Safely conscious Chase would not have been proud of his
parents. Far from it.
Back at the condo now and safe and sound. Tomorrow going to
stick to what we know: Sailing, reading and sleeping.
