Are we crazy to live in this climate?

In Quebec, snow and cold are just part of the everyday winter. I almost die of laughter when I read the blogs of those in hotter places complaining of the cold of their winters!! Ya..Take -30 degrees with a windshield adding up to -40 and be outside doing winter sports in it.

And actually I am not complaining as I love having various seasons like this. I cannot picture myself not having 4 diverse seasons like we do-it is actually quite beautiful. So on, most days I am not a complainer about cold or winter. I also adore summer and spring for the promise of summer. I adore Fall foliage more than most anything.

But all winter long even from my Canadian colleagues etc. all I hear are complaints about the weather. It’s annoying. Buy a warm coat and hat  now people! Go for it! Most people even hibernate all winter which is such a loss.. There are so many amazing outside sports to do and if you are dressed for it you are fine.

Long johns, down coats, good snowsuits, thermal socks with batteries etc (our three kids got this last year from us for  xmas and is the best gift in the world for kids who are on the mountain 8 hrs a day on weekends)We don’t complain much about weather  and certainly not on weekends. In the week it is a pain in the ass for sure-but part of  getting the four seasons.

That being said I walked out of work later Tuesday evening around 7:30pm and I opened my mouth to breath and my teeth were chilled to the bone and cold for real-it was then and there that I said (almost aloud) “Are we f…in crazy to live in this?” That same day I spent another 30 mins scraping ice off my van.

People lives in warmer climates must be so much easier –no shovelling, no ice storms, no taking and extra 30 mins every morning to clean both cars. The second time in the week my teeth froze I thought the same “what the hell am I doing here?”

But today I am reminded again. Cozy at cottage in front of fire preparing lunch before we go cross country and and then back to the house on the 4-4 to clear the skating rink on the lake. The three kids are all at the mountain since 7:45am. Today is the big dayChase starts officially the job with scheduled groups etc (we will see about that if it actually happens!), Bear starts his pre-monitor course in prep to be a monitor next season and Beauty continues her ski training competitions and the actual big competitions are next weekend. They all have their cold feet in their cozy thermal heated battery operated socks and hot pads in their gloves. Layers of sweaters and down coats.They will come home so so cold-but very fulfilled with rosy cheeks.

Winter is really disaster in so many ways but also so breathtakingly beautiful and was whole lot of fun if you can get into the spirit of it. And I guess that freezing teeth are just part of the overall charm!

So what do you think? Are we crazy?

Half Meaures

There was a blog I read this morning which spoke to me. She talks about half measures. Basically only doing things halfway instead of going full out. With often fatal or important consequences. She defines it for herself as weak or half assed attempts to achieve something.

And it spoke to me very much because it is my mantra in life not to do this for the things and people that I have defined important in my life. And my pet peeve for certain  is when the world around me (or I!) do not do the same.

At work people seem to get this idea. Go the extra mile. Focus on strategic important projects. 

At home many people also get this –especially when there is a stay at home mom-treat your family like your most important project. And then there are many people at work and with families who don’t give at rats’ ass at all of course about their work or family or both!

But I find that it is the people or situations between work and home that often get the half measures of people most often. Exercise, health,  treating friends well, committing to hobbies, taking care of ourselves, stepping outside of our own zone and busy lives and minds  and nurturing others. The list can go on and on and on.

In my own life there are many things I give half measures too-because either the motivation or the feeling just isn’t there. But you don’t hear me complaining much about the consequences and impact of these half measured attempts. But I also have plenty of deliberate areas I put my energies into full force and these are the areas I succeed in. I think about these areas almost daily-I know where my full measures go. And I take accountability and ownership for them

And we can’t give our full to everything and everyone that is certain. I most certainly don’t!  Make your choices deliberate at the very least! Decide way you will give your full ass to-your half ass to and what you will give no ass at all to! (He he!) And then try as hard as you might to stick to those areas of asses.

And then own these choices and live then and take accountability. And when you mess up? Own it. Be accountable and apologize fully for your shortcomings.

And if particular people and situations are not important to you then maybe you should let them know? Be more articulate and forthcoming and share with them that they will never be a full on ass for you? Or change jobs to something yon can give more to or want to give more on.

Surround yourself in a life that matters to you. Where the people, the experiences, the environment is enough to make it matter in and of itself. Where weak and half assed attempts to be even close to average or performing just don’t cut it in realms that you love, are passionate about, precise about and adore.

And let go of the life and people around you who don’t motivate you to want to give them your best. Or if you don’t let go of them at least be honest with them and let them know that they are last on your to do list and then let them decide what to do with you.

I adore this term half measure (taken from a breaking bad episode) Will add it to my list of book titles unwritten in my brain!!!

unforgettable moments that make up a beautiful life

I sat there last night so content, so in awe, so proud and so happy to be part of this family. This family in particular. My family.

There he was-so many things I wanted him to be that he is now. To be more clear- so many things I wanted him to feel and have that he now does. The happiness, the laughter the closeness with friends, the trust, the bonding, the confidence the leadership. And that he shares this with us so imitimately  at 17 yrs. old is even more impressive. I have always wanted to have this relationship with my son..All my children. I sat there basking in the sunlight he has always shone on me as his mother.

Last night we celebrated Chase’s bday out at a restaurant. It was always that kids could bring 1 friend to the restaurant or dinner and the 5 of us and my mom of course. Then they wanted two. This year Chase asked for three ! So we cut out anything remotely fancy and did fast food souvlaki. And we all had such a good time together. Really being  together. Was so cool.

I always worried about this kid. Forever it seems. Would he place the importance on friendship that I knew would make him happy? That I know is so special in life-would my kids do that? Could I help him? Would he build that village that I feel is so necessary for happiness and fulfillment? There he sat with these amazing three other boys and Bear and Beauty and I listened to their conversations. Music to my ears. They asked me questions too about my book! Wanted to see a picture of the front cover! We talked about Cegeps and parents and girlfriends and beer. It was amazing

If I think about flow and what gives me energy and  there is probably nothing like seeing a group of friends for me. Especially the kid’s friends. Being surrounded by them. Seeing my children interact with people other than us -close to them. It’s like a beautiful concert to me-a symphony of abilities, strengths, learnings, teachings and moments. It’s those moments that I pride myself in my parenting the most and is also my hardest critic. It’s like I see my kids come alive in these moments-I see what the world has in store for them

They give him a gift-kind of a joke bag full of crazy things that he opened one by one (a bathing cap, a rotten banana, his favorite book from grade 1, a beer cap, and they laugh and laugh and laugh and video it all to post on Facebook. I feel solid and good and feel all their abundance overflowing. They always say you can judge a person by the quality of friends they have-I could not agree more. I see him through all of their eyes. I feel so happy for him that he is surrounded by guys his age who are good to the core, bright, ambitions, loving, caring, smart . Cool-good looking, successful kids. I see what his future is shaping up to be. And I start to breathe better.

And they are all so appreciative. The thank you’s-the curiosity. But most of all that unlike all the teen books-they want to include us the parents –they want to include his siblings-they want to include my mom. And more importantly Chase does too. He is proud of us; proud of our ways, proud of our communication. We do not have a teen that isolates himself and disagrees with everything we say (only some things that we then negotiate on after big feuds). The books I read about sullen, unhappy, rebellious, confused teens are not applying to him.

And we leave there on his 17th bay celebration and know that I will always remember these moments. I will always remember his abundance of happiness. I will always remember the way he shared with us his beautiful life so gracefully. My thoughts are echoed by emails I get from Hubby and my Mom the next day commenting of how wonderful the night was and how beautiful. They get it. We have all three raised him together. Holding our breath at the same time letting it out at the same time. He has been our guinea pig and the one who worried us most. He is and was all of our first.

The way he winked at me during dinner-the way he gave his dad a hug and said “je t’aime, the way he  hugged each friend  to say thanks for the gifts-these huge 6’5 guys (vs our 5’6 guy) hugging-just love the confidence. The friends impecable manners: "Thank you so much for having us!" "And wow you must be so proud of yourself to have co authored a book- I cant wait to get a signed copy!"  His friend asking me if he could come to the cottage next weekend as he has weekend off and told me he cook help prepare Hubbys bday dinner that day and could I text him tomorrow to let him know if he could come to the cottage please?

Are you 17 yr old boys??? Really??? And I wished for girls all my life??
I adore raising a village of boys and girls who are teens. I could stay here forvever and just freeze time (when my kids are not screaming at  me I am an idiot that is)

I walked out of there and knew that instead of reading all the books on teens and how they are? It was time for me to get down and dirty about writing about what they could be. With very specific and important strategies in place used day after year and year after year. I felt last night finally that my coaching  expertise that has always 5-12 yrs. old in the work I do-now has moved to the teen years. It was a beautiful night and a comforting revelation both of his and my own future paths.

It all-just made sense last night.

What a lovely start to 2015. It feels so frigging good to write something positve and uplifting this year.

Goodbye Holidays!

no time to edit sorry for typos.. rushing and have tried to post this all day and no time. so posted with lots of typos it will be!

It’s funny as I have always had a love hate relationship with holidays (mostly love!) I am always a little bit scared and insecure to be off work and out of routine but then equally as scared to return back to that work and those routines.

Something about holidays shakes me up no matter how many times I take them (which is a lot!) Holidays always manage to destabilize me and ground me both at the same time. When I start them I always think-“OMG how will I be without my routine/off work/with these 4 others people 24 hrs a day all day every day for the next 15 days??? And then during and at the end I think “How will I ever get back to real life-this is sooo good. I love being off work and with these 4 people!!”

And certainly I do love holidays. It’s just when we do them-we really do them. We don’t work in between at all-take a real mental break. All of us. Kids are supposed to prep for a few exams and we agreed with them..no way. I have three massive deadlines Wednesday and refuse to even let my mind go there until tomorrow morning. For us it is the only way to really disconnect and re-energize. However the result is chickens running around without heads when we get back to normal life-but I am  convinced that for us this oblivious disconnected state is necessary to deal with the types of lives we lead when we are not on vacation.

A few things I want to remember about our Christmas 15 days of holidays 2014/2015 (minus one day I worked on Dec 24): Skip if boring for you as often on vacation blogs more of record keeping for me and family.

-We relaxed a lot the first half (minus hosting for Xmas which because we host for pretty much every year for two decades so is no big deal for us. We have hosting done to an art by this point)

-The first part of holidays it was movies, and baking and reading and lounging around in pyjamas. We watched on most days two episodes of Scandal a day Hubby and I! We would go outside for about 2 hrs a day on most days for a skate-a sport of an errand and then come back to the cozy fire ..and do..nothing. Normally on holidays we make sure we have a few days of this for sure but most years we have friends in and out of the cottage every few days. This year much much quieter. Except the last five days we have had a whirlwind of friends and guests and extended family activity which has been super nice too

-Skiing: Beauty and Chase skied every second day (and sometimes everyday) from 8:30am-3:30pm. Big skiing days. Bear in between here and there with more cross country etc. And Hubby and I skied…never. We were not up to it . Hubby cross country a number of times. Me? Nothing. It just was not the flavor of our holidays this year.

-Fave events? New Year’s Eve, Jan 1 and lunch with mom and great visit to the of family cottage with Hubby sister and skating on the beautiful lake. Soul keeper and family special two day visit and long walks and long soaks in the hot tub with snow on our heads with my dear buddy. Every time I see her it’s like much needed oxygen for both of us. Had such a good time.

-Board games. Always had a vision of family being into board games-always touched on it over the years here and there on this vacation was almost every second night. Except once though was without meL I kind of despise games except a few which is something I will need to change!!!!! But just because I suck doesn’t mean I don’t want this experience for the family. I adore this quiet time with me myself and I in front of fire while they play Clue and Life and whatever else. Need to include myself more

-Girlfriends over. They are both here now! First time at cottage. And overnight too. Fun..I played a game all of us..Had nice dinner. But awkward weird day too a bit and not used to it all and certainly an adaptation for us on many levels. But the girls themselves are beautiful wonderful nice girls for sure. Just hard to see our boys cuddling, kissing, and us babysitting and being worried about not leaving them alone in any room very long!. New lives! To be expected! One of those boys is too young for this! One of them is perfect stage but still odd. At least I know both have excellent taste in woman!

-The kids not even one time said they were bored or wanted to go back to the city or real life. They loved the break and besides the skiing didn’t do a whole lot!!! I can’t believe they could relax as much as we do and enjoy it. Impressive and fun that we have raised three kids so similar to us.

-It’s been a hard year so not surprising that at the end of it-Hubby and I had our ups and do on these holidays . Had such important talks-let out a lot of feelings on both our sides that have been bottled up somewhat. It’s going to be time for us to tweak between us what has always been comfortable. Wit this year behind us- redefine ourselves and our couple in many ways. It’s going to be hard-and exciting in ways too. We had a lot of good times together but also a lot of reality checks. You can’t  have gone through what we have as a couple this year and expect anything less.

-amount of family time.-it always shocks me how much time as a family of five or even as a couple we spend together without killing each other. We spend a lot mostly because of our cottage and we don’t have neighbors or friends up here that we socialize with (minus the kids have a couple of friends at mountain). When we are here is is the 5 of us and we are here a lot. Always makes me proud. We are very bonded. We get on each other’s nerves a lot but it all works out. When Sou keeper and I had two full hours in the Jacuzzi together she was shocked when I said that was my first time away from the others in 14 days!!!! Craziness! And as a couple no time at all. 24/7 with the kids always except a 5 hour Nordic bath spa morning. No dinners just two of us-no nights with the kids back in the city. All together.

 When kids were young and up until about 4 years ago we made much more of an effort to find this couple time. One we have it more naturally come to us with kids often leaving us alone to watch movies or afternoon when they ski etc. We feel the clock is working in a different direction now…only so many more moments of the whole family and many more ahead of us as a couple alone. There will be plenty of date nights ahead in our future!

-Eating-we ate really really well. Homemade meals nightly and lots of cakes and cupcakes. I ate whatever I wanted  but in moderation which is not hard for me. Had protein shakes ¾ of times in morning. Was a good food holiday. Kinda scared to see the damages on the scale-but I have the feeling that I gained 3 lbs but will be easy to lose with the new eating plan within about a week.

-I feel lonely in some ways. I want more. More family. More friends. More love. More of everything. I read a line on a blog the other day that resonated with me like nothing else. The blogger was being interviewed  and was asked the question “Is there anyone you are close to you miss?

And she said exactly what is in my own heart:

Chances are if I love you? I miss you.

It’s how I am wired and that won’t be changing anytime soon.

So the end of holidays. Parts wonderful and parts a little less wonderful. Just like real life.

Goodbye holidays!!! Until the next!

Ps-came back at end of day to write PS before posting. Girlfriend day got fun. Freezing rain here so no skating and outside stuff. Packed them all up in the car and gave them each 15 dollars to go spend in village. They all decided to go out to Mr Pizza for lunch (two couple and invited Beauty) then they all walked 15 mins in the rain and went bowling. Was really sweet and we got to know the girls on a different level. I was so happy they all included our daughter too which was so much fun for her (although I did not expect it given they have not seen their girlfriends in 2 weeks and was sure they would each do separate activities and had warned Beauty). Hubby and I went out for a delicious lunch at a resto and shared two yummy meals and then a chocolatine and coffee at the bakery. We walked along the village slipping and sliding everywhere and met up with the bowlers for a stroll back to the car where we parked further away to get some fresh air. Today although crappy weather was a super end to the holiday. And having the girlfriends here became more normal too. They are both lovely girls and felt happy all five kids around same age to be able to hang out.

Now although we should be packing we are squeezing in a half episode of Scandal by the fire and a Jacuzzi Hubby and I before we make our last family vacation dinner which the kids chose (Greek pasta, baguette, sausages on BBQ and apple caramel cake)

We will be home later than expected and the girl’s parents will be picking them up at our house. They have to know and understand that if they hang with our family…we squeeze it all in right up until the very last second!!!

PSS: the fun will continue! Just found out no electricity at home and roads too icy to take road. We sleep here with girlfriends again. Just cleared it with both parents that they miss two periods of school in morning. Was fun we all had a meeting to discuss and make decisions with kids. They are thrilled!!!!

Score of 2014

Now we look at the past year and how I did with my words in 2014:

Serenity: steadiness of mind under stress; composure, calm, peacefulness

Patience: ability to accept and tolerate delays, problems, sufferings without becoming annoyed or anxious

Above were my two words for 2014. It was such a busy crazy unexpected year I literally forgot I even had any words.

Let’s see? How did I do? Well let’s see in both areas I would say my mom, my husband, my co-workers, my boss and my closest BFF’s would say I made significant improvement. Probably more on the Serenity portion than the Patience but a definite improvement in patience too.

My kids? I bet they would say on serenity slight improvement and in patience no movement.

All perspectives. All reality. But what do I think since I am the one who lived this year? I would say I was steller actually. My world was (and still is in lots of ways) topped itself upside down. It’s really really hard to explain unless you have lived it before-like anything big that happens to anyone for that matter. I am not sure I will ever really recover if I am quite honest. So considering what this year unexpectedly held I actually think I was very serene and very patient-but this was inside my heart much of the time silently and I don’t know how much the world saw of it. For me I am still floored that I got through this year, am still happily married, still have excellent relationships with my kids (even better than the year before), have a closer more authentic relationship with my mother in many ways than ever before and am able to juggle the demands of my new role at work, take on big new clients for my own company, wrote a book and managed to do my part of the domestic duties at home that we used to have  help with. And..be not losing my mind. So with that personal definition of peace and serenity of mine-I would say I scored fairly well.

With tons and tons of space for improvement. What I have realized a lot this year is that often people can’t change innately what is inside of them. They can change the outward behaviours in many ways but very very hard to change people. I have many people around me-including myself, that I have tried to change (which is dumb and also doesn’t usually work). Some I have tried to make more passionate, some more present, some more stable, some more organized, some more nuturing, some more visionaries and strategy. But at the end of the day? I am going to be surrounded by friends and family who I love dearly but are clearly not in the present moment, or not organized, or not making long terms decisions. Just like I will never really be serene or patient-but can try my darnest to act more in this way sometimes for the sake of the people around me mainly

As the year 2014 is coming to an end especially in December my patience and serenity is actually wavering a lot. I am starting to feel my ever common restlessness again as the year closes. Interesting. Which leads me to reflect on the space I am in for 2015 (hallulah we changed years baby!!!) 2014 in lots of ways and my words led me to my word Flow for 2015

My 2015 Word Is:

Flow

Yep that is it. Flow. And more specifically-finding it in myself.

Some may call it a mid-life crisis-others a need for change. Other might up their antidepressants. Some restless-hunger-drive. I call it Flow in myself. Seeking it…finding it..capturing it..claiming it (or reclaiming it..and living it to it’s fullest).

Flow. Ahh..I am already more peace and serenity just having said it aloud. I love the sound of it. It has been inside my heart for more than a few months now and feels good to get it out.

From the very first time in my life since adolescence I have a curiosity about myself-a fire in my belly -I think you would call it. I am curious to find out more about myself outside of my very comfortable and comfy roles of business woman, mother, wife and daughter. Outside of these 4 complex and extremely rewarding roles..Who am I exactly? I truly do not know. As those roles are everything to me. They define every single moment of every single day for me. All my brain waves have always been headed in that direction without questioning it.

Will I abandon my job, my kids, my husband and my mom? NEVER. EVER. EVER. Not even a tiny chance. This is not an exercise in changing-it  is probably an exercise in adapting and enriching. I actually don’t know what it is an exercise in because I have never done it or even thought about it.

What does finding my flow entail? Does it mean taking some salsa lessons, Pilates on the beach? Drinking some alcohol and getting drunk? Speaking a new language? Taking up a new sport? Belly dancing? Getting a new haircut? Painting my nails more often? Beoing sexier? Nicer? More charitable? Socializing more? Getting out more? Making some new friends?  Being religious? Taking up social dancing with my husband? Kissing longer? Finding my passionate side? Leaving the island, city or country? Expecting more of my friendships? Expecting less? Being more selective?  Whitewater rafting ? What does it mean???

Part of the flow will mean going with the flow and allowing me the adventure to unfold. I have a feeling people close to me and around me might act a little surprised. And you know what? I am perfectly ok with that. I expect a bit of a backlash. You don’t start doing things differently after 20 yrs and expect people around you to just say nothing.

I am excited to flow. To find Flow. I am excited to find her. And define her and add her to my beautiful life. To make space for that girl who is not just a career woman and wife and mother and daughter. Whose thoughts are sometimes outside of the realm of those particular circles. I am excited to see where my thoughts take me.

What comes to mind initially? Yoga. Losing more weight. Staying out one night all night and dancing with a couple of my  BFF’s. Getting closer to nature. Writing that book of my own which I intend to be a bestseller . Taking the executive at my office up on her idea to contribute to a book she was asked to write by a publisher and have guaranteed publishing. Getting really busy in a creative way with work. Funding my Purpose in my career. Taking a trip alone down  south (if I am brave enough!) with my vacation carryover to do yoga and Pilates and eat healthy and write a book on a beach and tap back into the part of myself that likes talking to people and tasting new foods. Being daring and adventurous. Sleeping in more often and getting up earlier more often too. Taking a walk on the beach at sunset and sundown-maybe even a run. Risking loving others more than I am loved .Going back to making ice rinks on the lake and picking up the shovel.

And maybe even getting a dog to love and caring for it.Something we have resisted and resisted for decades. Could a dog be my flow? Maybe. Maybe not.

Most of all-finding my flow? Will mean even realizing I have one. Responsible career as of 21 yrs old-living with responsible man 12 yrs my elder at 22, married by 24 and three kids by 29 yrs old, married now for close to 19 yrs…has kept me very very very busy and preoccupied for exactly two decades now. I am in awe that of all of my circle I am the one married for nearly two decades with three kids! I was alwalys the restless one.

But I remember that girl who was passionate and hungry and driven and open and excited and alive and very loving and lovable as if it was yesterday. Sitting on my parent’s deck until 5am with boys and friends and lovers and dreams. But many parts of her have been buried but she is still in there. And I intend to meet her again. And introduce her to my new and cherished life. Blend her in a little more.

And instead of my words being for others this year like being patient and serene because I know will have a better impact on those around me that I love?

My word for 2015 ..is just for me. For this year it's going to need to be.Me Myself and I. As I write it it sounds shocking but my words forever have always been for others.I am a master of the nuturing.

Stay tuned. This blog may get a whole lot more exciting in 2015

PS-I guess blog readers like to know what my word is for the year as Jan 1 on my stats is quadruple the readers I normally have! That's alot of readers! Glad I am still keeping some of you interested!)

New Year 2015!!!

It’s funny. New Year’s is actually one of my most important, fun and significant holidays. I think I like it the best. I have always felt it is an important holiday bringing in the New Year and have always been a bit supersticious around the way we bring it it defines our year to a large extent. Not what we do only-but how we feel that day. Out of all the holidays it is New Years I like preparing for most and planning for and having traditions around. I love Dec 31 and Jan 1.

such a nice dinner and gang. couldn't have asked for a nicer evening!

Girls!

This year was a wonderful one. Had a great time on Chase bday in day and then dropped him off and went to the Holidays house with the Sweerthearts It has been over 10 yrs. now for new year’s doing this and alternating parties between their homes for the 31^{st. th}   This year was a lot more intimate with about 12 adults and about maybe 15 kids. Usually triple that amount which we enjoy less.

The boys!

The girls!

The BFF girlies

Was interesting too-I felt pretty special. A few of the people I know less there heard from our friends I co-authored a book that will be published and were super impressed..made me feel so good. They were asking all about the book and topic and  wanted to host a book signing and book discussion group for me when book comes out! Felt so odd..and I felt so proud.

Me , Miss Sweetheart and Miss Holiday:)

This was the perfect size party and a sit down dinner for adults for hours on end with sushi and yummy appetizers and desserts. When it was 11:55pm no one could believe that time had passed so quickly. The kids had a sushi buffet and all played in the basement all night. Ages 5-15yrs like always and they had a blast as usual despite all the age differences. At midnight adults and kids joined to countdown and hang out. We left the party at 1:30am.Was such a super night. I love this gang-and there was a couple we got to know better last night too and can see us becoming closer with them. Fun.

The most significant part of the night for me was that at one point I wanted to take a picture and had a glass of champagne in my hand. Hubby had a champagne glass of Perrier. I gave him my glass to hold without noticing I did so. I came back about 5 mins later and realized he was holding my champagne glass. For me this was a grateful moment to end 2014 with. A blissful 5 min of of oblivious and forgetting. A peep into the 2015 and our “new normal” If ever I write a book about this journey it will include this moment. Very significant to me (less to him!!)

A few things happened yesterday that I will remember. Because it was Dec 31.

 My mom wrote me a text that it has been two days that she felt almost normal health wise and feels like has been forever I have heard any good news from her around health. This won’t last  necessarily as totally all over the place and inconsistent but it is a sign in a better direction that she would have two good days. Also we received a beautiful picture in the mail of my eldest brother’s two girls (my nieces) and it made my heart feel happy. Also a special little gift from them for Beauty. It was signifant to me that this was received on Dec 31.

Also my husband and the way he was yesterday night. Some great parts and some less great parts. Things I realized I adore about him and other things that made me hurt a little too. It reminded me of where I need to put my energy this year in 2015.

Overall it was a wonderful new year and by far  my fave holiday of the year. It was authentic and real.

Stay tuned for my word of 2015 tomorrow!

first new year without our boy. survived and thrived!