Me.

I realized a few major weaknesses of myself this week and thought it might uplift you a bit if I shared them.

I like to be really honest on this blog and so try to seize the opportunity when I can to highlight some really honest and quirky stuff about myself. Since I often can brag about this or that that I do with my kids, or take pride in something I have worked really hard at, I like to even it out with good old doses of reality…Mostly so I never have you thinking that in any way is the grass greener over here.

1-I have never been a stress eater. Never binged. Don’t really associate food with much except plain old yummy. Well this week I was at a super stressful (and quite boring) meeting at work where I felt I had made a few “faux pas” so I got stressed and was also sick of all the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So at the break, I went up to office and literally stuffed my face with a brownie super quickly.

It was really, really gross and piggish and dumb. I felt like I was a farm animal.

2-I have been conscious of trying not making as many lists lately and so instead I procrastinate. This is new for me as I never do this. I just write my lists and do them and cross them off one by one . But with the absence of lists…I just find I just dont feel like doing what I know needs to be done so I just procrastinate and try to find something more pleasant to do.

I find it so unproductive not to have a good list to cross off. It makes me feel empty, bored, depleted and disaterous.

So I went to the bathroom at work and hid in the stall and completed a huge list(without a brownie)  there so no one could see me or make fun of me. On the toilet with the lid closed. I did a list and then felt like I could come back and deliver properly and be high performaing again. The fact is no one cares if I make lists or not they just care if I deliver. So who am I hiding from excatly?

 

3-Ok here is the final one…and get ready this is super humiliating for me and embarrassing. I won’t blame you if you just stop reading my blog entirely.

I don’t know how to fill a car with gas

And worse yet I don’t care to learn (isn’t that so princess- like and lazy and stupid?)

So anyways in our house we each have our chores and responsibilities and my husband’s is ensuring that both cards are filled up with gas weekly. Ever since service stations pretty much have no service, this division of tasks is essential. I just don’t do gas.

For about a decade this has worked seamlessly. The other day it did not. I was running out of gas. Why you may ask? Because HE forgot to do itJ I was picking up older son from school and realized I would not make it back. So I panicked. Thank god my son was there to learn with me. I still did not really learn as I made him do it and I just stood and watched for his moral support since he has no clue either.

Together we figured it out. I did not feel proud or accomplished. I felt resentful actually. Of my husband and of my son. I think boys should be born knowing how to do this and don’t need me standing beside them helping them.

There is just something about a girl dressed in a nice suit and coat and freezing her ass of in -35 degree weather that does not sit well with me. I just don’t want to do this. I feel like I have 99 percent of crap that falls on me (ok ok my husband does a lot of crap too-maybe even 60% if I am honest!) but I somehow just feel like it is my mortal right not to have to EVER get gas,

So call me what you will. I can assure you my Protector does feely. Call me spoiled and lazy and queen bee, and entitled and whatever you will.

But also include honest in there please?

And the next time I “forget to” plan a social event like New year, or a family get together, or a kids birthday and I ask my husband to personally call all the people on the invite list on the phone-let’s see if his bloodpressure goes up a tad and if he starts feeling a tad angry at me? Let’s see if he wants to do that? Putting gas in car is the equivalent of my husband chatting up a friend on the phone out of the blue. He does not do it and I don’t do gas.

It was quite cute seeing Chase at the gas tank though. On the way home he said “We did it!” Yay for us. He said “Why don’t you look happy you know how to do it now Mom?”

Conclusion of my weaknesses and Bad Mommy moment combined :“Because I am a girl and girls don’t do gas that is why.”

Yup. There it is.

Are you still there?