Climate has always affected us (hence the name of this
blog). It has been a re-occurring theme for as long as I can remember in so
many different forms.
And often just like I deeply care about the weather outside
from desperately seeking sun to also loving the sound of a storm crashing on my skylight bedroom
windows…I consider and care also very deeply about the climate in our home over
the years.
And it has varied.
Although my family has generally always been a happy
one-there have always been circumstances that have affected or altered the climate
like in any family. The climate can shift by pre occupation, irritability,
crisis, happy events, health, sibling’s relationships, careers, couples health
and a million other factors.
Although at times over
many years of having children it has been super and great-I am not sure
it has stayed in the place for more than a couple of months without me
re-questioning it. It has always had it lows and its highs and it’s in between.
Which is normal. Whether that is as a family unit, or a couple, or with one
particular child, or between children, or because of external circumstances.
Today my husband and I looked over at each other and both
felt the same thing in our hearts which felt so clear and obvious to us both
that it had to be said aloud almost simultaneously
after the day on the boat we spend with our two boys and the Thai dinner we had
out last night with our girl:
“We
wish so much we could just freeze time”
Scared to say it out loud or write it not to jinx it but
our family has been in a very good place for the last few months. Hot! Hot!
Hot!. My Protector and my efforts are a big part of it. Went to therapy over one
particular family dynamic for three months and are now reaping the benefits of
our hard work. Our dinner last night and our weekend last weekend with our
daughter felt like someone had granted us a million dollars. Probably even
better than that.
And today on the boat with the boys-can’t even describe
it..or over lunch. The type of conversations, the pride we are feeling in all
of them. The bonds and love and respect between us all. The roles we are
playing in our teenager’s lives and the way they are all responding to it. (in
between a million crazy moments, fights and chaos of course, but at least some
super moments!)
And something tells me that it is not a coincidence that
my career also changed three months ago. Are the climates related? Of course
they are. Even if my own satisfaction overall career life is going down (o maybe not still TB D!) in many ways..my
family’s quality of lives is going up. This is a big shift and an important one
for me to notice. I think life has given
me a lesson I need to learn and need to live.
Will the climate stay this way? For sure not! Do I feel
like this every day? No I do not! But it feels like a symphonic orchestra that
for now for right now is music to my ears. Everyone in the family seems like they
need to be where they are at. And that has taken a lot a lot of work. Will inspire
the title of my next book (series!) called “Love in Action”. That was decided
last weekendJ
As our eldest son graduates I speak to some many
different parents and so many of them see the next couple of years with their
sons or daughters going off to college, living away from home, they as couple
travelling around the world or buying a dog or an RV.
Sister Savvy and I were on the phone the other day and
she did something that really resonated to me and really explained how I was
feeling about Chase graduating. She was talking about a dynamic in her
relationship with her Hubby and she said “That is just our dynamic. It always
has been that way and always will be that way. It’s who we are”
And that is how I feel about our time as a family of
five. It’s the way we are. I truly doubt our children will go off and live far
away. I truly doubt they will leave to travel for a couple of years, I truly
doubt that they will all choose universities far away (maybe one will but not
all three)
It’s who we are.
(and of course this will change if they marry someone far
away, or circumstances change, or careers demand them to move..but I don’t
think it is any of our first choices and would be a big Plan B for all of us I
am guessing)
We spend lots of time together. Their loves and friends will always
be added to the mix, the will make short explorations; they will go way but
will always come back to the home base is my guess. There will be Sunday
dinners at the cottage. This I know for sure. Why I know it? I don’t know. I just
do. It just feels right. For all of us I am guessing.
And without a shadow of a doubt this is what I want for
our family. To stay close to each other always in actual proximity. It’s just the
way we are and what we do. Our cottage weekends are like all of us coming up
for some oxygen in life-it feels like our recovery between sprints. As even as Chase’s
adulthood looms, I feel like it’s just another stage. And I love it. I picture our family of orientation being just
as precious to them as their future families of pro-creation and us all blending
that bunch together in so many ways often and always. (Am I crazy to be this optimistic?
Maybe I am totally disillusioned!!!)
Maybe I am wrong. But maybe I am right too?
Today and last night we just wished that time would
freeze and that there would be no chance that these beautiful kids of ours
would ever not be who they are today. And that is impossible-but no harm in
wishing it was like that.
And another thing I realized today? Is that I will always
focus on many many things. I will always have many goals. In a day, in a month
or in a year. Another friend and I had the big debate about what is best many
focuses or one or two? I tried outing having two and don’t do it for me. I have
seen what can change in a years’ time and what can be lost and gained so quickly
and I want to make certain that I strive for many things important to me. Two
will never be enough for me (but I am happy I tried it out and can see how that
laser focus works for many!!)
Last night with Beauty at dinner. That beautiful dinner
that will be wedged in our memories forever as we saw what care and attention
and focus and hard work in a relationship can do…..we were so happy that we had
her (and still do) as our focus.
The climate right now is damn good in this family (which
our messy messy house was in that same shape!!). After years and years of it being
sometimes less than where I felt it needed to be..This climate right now is a
welcome and lovely treat. It made me confident that what we focus on ..Laser
focus on (even if that is many things at a time)...can change.
Even if for a lot of time you never believed it could.
It can.
