Truth
is a funny thing isn't it ? There are different forms of the truth and it can
change rapidly . One truth can be there one month and be untrue the other .
Truth sometimes can only make itself known when you admit the truth to yourself
first . You can try and reject the truth , alter the truth and not accept the
truth . What may be true today ... May not be true tomorrow .
As
of Saturday ( so 6 days now) I feel my truth is :
I
feel sad and even a little depressed:(
And
I think it has something to do with not having the corporate career I had
for my lifetime . It has to do with being laid off 8 weeks ago along with 50 other
people who might be feeling the same right now .
This
week I am desperately missing the buzz around me as I work , the noise , the
drama , the stirfys , the celebration cupcakes at every corner when a new drug
is approved . I miss administrative support and new ideas , I miss teamwork , I
miss knowledge and power and status .
I
miss my friends and my buddies and my desk and big window and big office
I
miss my real life .
What
I am doing right now career wise don't get me wrong is going really really well
so far . Entrepreneurial , consulting , Independant work, great networking lunches and meetings and lots of paid contracts so far too. . I honestly can't believe
what I have been able to achieve and transform in a mere 8 weeks . But even
with this success I am constantly asking myself the questions : "do I like
having to drive by gps to far away appts , do I like doing all my admin and
invoicing ; do I like my days without noise around them unless I am in meetings
or delivering trainings , do I like having a home office ?
Do I
like this life ?
Can
I do this life ?
Is
it for me ?
So
far lucrative and flexible are two aspects I seek and adore in a career . But is it
enough ?
I
have made a promise to myself to try it out for 1.5 yrs . Until the end of
2016 as I think I could get very used to this , be very successful , make a lot
more money in less hours, and have a lot less daily stress in my life overall .
It could be a winning formula and make me a lot happier as a person . I could be passionate about the work I am doing as the content of it is very inspirational.
And
I need to give it that full chance . I need to explore it and feel the feelings
that come with it . Let in the success and failures- both.
But
for now , for this week in particular .. for this moment I feel
empty
and sad and even fragile emotionally . Tears are at the corners of my eyes
often when my ex collegue calls me " bye buddy " on the phone when he
hangs up and when I hear that the company I used I be part of is managing fine
without my contribution it seems.
I
feel lost .
And
that is just the way it is for
Now
.
For
today
