In His 18th Year

So often over this last month has this phrase been repeated to me by various institutions ; professionals ; teachers ; accountants .

Our eldest son will turn 18 on dec 31 2015 . For the moment I consider him 17 ( which he is ) but I am starting to realize that a whole lot will change the minute he turns 18.

Accountants are saying he should be a dividend receiver; teachers are saying he should have no help at all with cegep registrations and should leave him to  sink or swim in cegep ; driving instructors asking why he did not start his lessons at 16 vs half a year later ; and inheritance is coming to him through his grandfathers ; the pediatrician informed me it was his last appt with her as he is no longer under her care and needs to see a family doctor .

Everything is changing 

Especially him 

Let me tell you ( or warn you ) there is a big difference between 17 and 17.5 ... They start to realize in the second half of the year .. That they are almost a legal adult and have earned that right 

Suddenly he and we hear ourselves saying things that don't seem to sound right anymore or make as much sense as they did a year ago ( and even if I read this it seems like we might be a bit behind in our letting go process with Chase as our first one - I can see that we will treat Beauty a lot more grown up a lot earlier than Chase was treated )

Bed time chase ! ( 9:30)

If you don't xyz We are taking your phone away for the evening !

If your girlfriend comes over on Thursday night you have to study for 1.5 hrs ( in the public family space !)

Don't drink so many protein shakes !

Your hair is a mess !

Don't forget that it the cegep dealine for the new computer system learning is  today !

Did you plan how you will get to prom?

 I have personally put a full day aside to ponder these questions and answers this summer as some how the in between moments of chaos are not enough . I need to think about how to "raise" and almost 18 yr old.

Chase is starting to ask questions and want to have discussions about his contributions to the household , what the rules will be for using our car and paying gas , when will he be able to freely stay at home alone on weekends , how will be afford his car insurance , can he invest in risky stocks with the little money he has , what would happen if he fails a course in cegep would we still pay?

And most importantly : why do we still treat him so similarily to

Our younger two even if he is clearly at a very different stage ?

And the reason is ? Because he is growing up before we know the answers to those questions . He is ahead of us . We haven't got there as fast as he has

And it is time .

For us to get there

For Us to change and adapt 

For us to look at him through a different lens

It really occurred to me other day when I saw a family on vacation visiting Montreal . They were a family with 6 kids ranging from about 3-18 yrs and they treated each one in their discussions equally . It was bizarre to see ! At one point they were talking to their adult child  in the same manner as their 3 yrs old . The same tone and words in nagging and teaching and requesting . At one point the oldest kid dropped his coke on the ground and said "'shit " and I see the mom almost spanked him ! They were in lounge at hotel I was at so watched them with interest for about 30 mins .

As I watched them they annoyed me and I felt sorry for the adult kid.

Then scared me as I realized I probably do this too .. People all

Around me must wonder why my eldest child has so many rules to

Abide by when he should be busy finding his own way by now .

INeed to

Get with the program . Problem Is I seriously don't even

Know how ( and I don't have until

My pondering day on July 13 at the pool to figure it out )

So we begin the process of letting our bebe go . Trusting that we have taught him enough and coached him enough to make decisons that are right for his life . Still of course having House rules that he is expected to comply to but also hoping that the agrees enough with the rules we have set and their logic to want to apply them to his life as a young adult living under our roof.

Hoping that some if what we have engrained in him over all of these years of careful though consideration and strategy have become part of him somehow .. And if they have not .. That he finds an even better way in his life that brings him even more peace success and happiness for his unique soul. 

The next few weeks are filled to the brim with Chase for me .  I love this boy with every fibre of my being and June seems to be his month . Him accepting his diploma in cap and gown .. Him going to prom all dressed up .. Him staying out all night long on prom without calling us ... Him going off on a camping trip with friend's car not arranged by parents or the school ... Him very likely getting his drivers licence on June 30 and driving off without us in the car for the first time ... 

Him deciding when he goes to bed and when he does his homework and if he does homework at all. Him adjusting his technology and living  the natural consequences of his decisons 

Him becoming Him