What is it that feeling..why so heavy on my heart and so
often here?
No matter what is going on beautiful on the outside, it
is still there inside of me.
Joy and Peace are there so often but they are fleeting
too. I can’t seem to capture them fully. They fly away from me. Shall I chase
them more? Follow them?
Everything is always right, but there is a weight on my
heart.
I try to get rid of it, but it comes back and then won’t
leave again.
Do other people have this too? I feel so alone so often.
I watch people laugh but don’t always feel like joining
I watch people be free but feel trapped
I always want more, but have no clue what More is because
quite frankly I have it all.
Maybe I too have ADHD? A friend suggested that to me the
other day and as crazy as it sounded for one of the most organized and focused
people she knows there as an element there that resonated-with both of us.
Why can’t I stop searching? What am I searching for? Will I ever find it?
I don’t want to be searching anymore.
I don’t want to be thinking all the time
I don’t want to be feeling that joy and peace are for
others and not for me
I want my insides to match my outsides
I want to live fully
But I don’t seem to know how-as close as I get this
feeling always comes back
How can you capture something if you don’t even really
know what you are chasing?
And what if you don’t even want to be chasing anymore and
you just want to feel still.
Be
still.
Be happy. With your abundance of blessings.
Be grateful for everything you have that everyone else
would cut off a leg to have.
Keeping it real.
Letting you all in
Into what is going on today inside
