I have been asked a few questions lately on siblings. I have bucketed them into the below two questions:
Do your three kids get along most the time or fight a lot?
Ahhh..tricky question and one that my Hubby and I reflect on quite often.
I would say that they get along extremely well compared to some of what I have seen, read and heard. They seem to truly enjoy each other's company most of the time and rely on each other for play, talk, wrestling, fun, games and complaining about their parents.
BUT..........and this is a BIG but........this causes lots of chaos around our home. They are LOUD together, and OBNOXIOUS together, run around and around all the time together. They are often found (this in not a joke I swear) all three hurdled in a wrestling ball together faking to beat each other up in a loving way many, many times per day. They are ALWAYS all together. They barely need to make friends because of each other and this is just plain odd.
And they are NOT growing out of this with age at all!!None of my kids ever lock themselves in their rooms alone or wear headphones, or sleep in for half the day. They love being the 5 of us everywhere and every minute in very LOUD ways.
So although most the time they are super close-as in all three attached all the time, it is in a hyper, loud and in an often annoying way that makes their lovely sibling connection unbearable at times but we are so happy they are so close even if it drives us bonkers.
And often they do fight too and call each other stupid and ugly (many times a day) but their grudges don't seem to last very long.
After seeing the movie Brother Bears-we really felt that our brother and sister kids are really part of the bear family (and this is not a joke either).
Hope that answers the question??
What is your number one tip for siblings who fight? How do we handle siblings constant quarreling?
Over the years I have tried and recommended many strategies. My two best are below:
1-Don't ever get involved unless someone is getting physically attacked and hurt (and is not play wrestling)
Expect that your kids solve their issues between them themselves and then at moments such as bedtime discuss with them strategies individually of how to deal with an annoying little sister or dominant older brother.
Don't play referee-unless you want this as your full time job which I can almost guarantee your kids will expect you to do if you take sides or take on the solving for them.
2- I used this one just yesterday and was reminded how good it really is. My kids were calling each other stupid and ugly since Xmas and each was coming to us complaining about the other one and what he or she said ( the downfalls of being on vacation at a cottage together 24 his a day for 2 weeks ).
I simply said "well then instead of any TV time today at the end of the day-you will all go down to the basement and play a quiet and cooperative game together. This will help you appreciate each other more since TV is clearly not helping as an activity. Maybe after this game time together you will think each other smarter and prettier"
The result??: Hubby and I enjoyed martinis and a book by the fire for an hour and a half in peace and they played Scattegories together and came up afterwards and said they loved that game! It was fun! Can we all play it tonight (which we did). They played three times since.....
And today I did not hear anyone call anyone else ugly.
Although trust me they have not been angels either-but there seemed to be some improvement, they learned a new game and we got some much needed peace and quiet.
All in all having siblings for your kids in my opinion is one of the greatest gifts you can give a child. Let's face it they will have each other for much longer than they will have us.
That being said, watching these relationships unfold and grow can also be exhausting! Truly I look at the peaceful home of my friends has with one 11 year old girl and I think "wow-you get to enjoy being a mother and peace...hm mm-sounds lovely!!"
