I always knew that someday I would find the silver lining
of being dumped for the high school carpool (ok ok maybe dumped is a bit dramatic
since the kid moved away..but the second carpool dump was truly a real dump).
So anyways I found the silver lining. It has been
building up over the weeks and months and today it was clear:
My boys and I have some of our closet moments on the way to
school in the car in the wee hours of the morning. Honestly it starts my Monday
out perfectly. Never mind that it also forces me to go to the gym Monday morning
at 7am. Bonus!
You see these laughs and tickles and jokes are so much
more appreciated since now most often
when we are not in the confinement of a closed space such as a house, a car or a
box-that smiling and laughing is not really permitted much anymore.
I used to have one too cool son. Now I have two. They are
too cool together.
So cool that they look ridiculous actually! It is truly
laughable! I mean at Beauty’s dance show yesterday they looked like they were
trying to have zero expression on their faces and their hands were dug so far
into their pockets. I just keep imaging how much effort this circus must take.
And they always always return to normal in the car. Like so different than
their public persona it is almost nuts.
And I have read and read and read on this subject and apparently
it is not only normal but completely necessary especially for adolescent boys.
This happens usually at age 13 yrs. There is apparently a huge difference between
a 12 yr old boy and a 13 yr old boy. And I saw it the other day at Bear’s bday
party with one 12 yr old in attendance. He seemed to be the only one who did
not care about being too cool. His turn will come.
So all that to say I savor with every bone in my body
these Monday car rides now. I love joking with Chase that we will need a lawn
mower to cut his hair. Love telling them
I walk 5 times a week, workout 2 times and do a yoga class all for the sake of “well
of course..just look at this body boys!!!!” (hahahahaha big joke joke). I love
telling them how silly they look in public when they don’t smile and teasing
them that if I did not know better I would think they did not love me.
It is at stages like this that I am grateful that neither
my Hubby nor I have very strong convictions or this would be so much harder and
hurt so much more. Neither of us is too much against piercing, tattoos, purple
long hair, French kissing, drinking. We are not attached to a specific religion
with guiding rules and hard regulations to follow nor do we care that much
about swear words, or types of movies or what video games they play. Overall I
would say by this age our parenting style by this age is trust their judgments
with a whole lot of value guidance. We poured enough learning into them before this age to hopefully last a lifetime.
Let’s be clear: we have ideas about this stuff for certain
and desires. As much as possible we want them to hold off as long as possible
or abstain from alot of this stuff entirely. However none of them are deal
breakers for us. None of them would ever override the relationships with the
kid. We are very traditional but kind of hippies at the same time. There is not
a whole lot of rebelling these kids need to do against us as we understand
adolescence and what it is-we both went through it-two good kids with a bunch
of discoveries along the way which made us who were are today.
This was the cornerstone of my extremely close and so successful
relationship with my Mom always. There was nothing to rebel against. No
specific clothes to wear or not wear, no type of haircut to have or not have,
no choir to be forced to sing in on Sundays. Swearing was not taboo. Talking about
sex was not taboo. Experimenting with alcohol was not taboo. Their values were
not imposed on me although they were willingly and lovingly shared. All of
this led to a girl who made her choices under the watchful and loving eye of
her Mom. I don’t drink, have never done drugs, has sex a bit too early at 17, married
a great guy and had a great career coming out of university. It seemed to work
to not have anything to rebel against and I intend to keep this stray with some
alterations for my own teens. I was much stricter in childhood than my own
parents…but with teens my household will be similar.
I am
grateful my own Mom gave me this gift of the way she raised me as a teen. No strings attached.
And
I must add that of everyone I have ever met so far…I am the closest in
adulthood to my Mom than anyone I know. Something worked!
My daughter has not gone through this stage yet. As a
girl she many never either. Watching her and her BFF do a full dance routine in
front of the village pizzeria yesterday afternoon over and over and putting a Kleenex
on ground to try and collect money-I realized coolness is not on her radar yet!!!! I hope it never is!
I love my girl so sweet and affectionate and free
spirited, and I love my two too cool boys too
I love how these two brothers have now become one. Learning
from one another…and being like one another..and having each other..as they begin
the process together of separating from their two uncool parents. As much as it
is hard-it is also a beautiful process to watch unfold. The discovering of
their own identities.
I am keen to watch who they become when they become their
own.
It is both scary to me and delicious.
