Hunger

I had put side these two weeks (this week and next week) to lose a few pounds. After 2 business trips, a cruise and summer bathing suits upcoming, I thought it might make some sense.

I always hate “dieting” because I am naturally a very intuitive eater. I eat when hungry and stop when full and generally crave fairly healthy foods. I don’t have a huge sweet tooth (except of course famous cupcakes) but do love carbs both healthy (brown rice and grains)  and not so healthy (like French fries)

All that to say I told myself for 2 weeks straight I would be strict with starchy carbs and eat them minimally. So far in 3 days I have lost 3 lbs even with a bunch of cheating.

Funny thing is usually cutting carbs makes me want to kill myself. I honestly think a meal without pasta or rice or bread is a death sentence. However for some reason this week for the first time in my life I am finding it a bit of a piece of cake! (well not literally) But a piece of meat anyways.

In analyzing this strange ease this week I realized it has nothing to do with food.

This week I have a hunger for things other than food.

I am hungry for the deep connection my daughter and I have been sharing. I am hungry to try all the brand new makeup I bought at the pharmacy. I was hungry to meet my new boss at work and work on some new stuff. I was hungry to get a bill of good health for Beauty. Hungry to watch my son play flag football and hungry to see if 27 mg Concerta would work more effectively. I was hungry to sit in my Jacuzzi overlooking the lake and mountains and to smell the lilacs on the trees on my morning walks after a rain shower.

It was an amazing feeling to realize that lately so much provided me happiness beyond french fries or a cupcake. I never ever considered myself a binge eater, or a bad eater or a big eater..or an emotional eater. I have a great relationship with food in general. But for some reason I am not missing it too much this week. I also came to the realization that it filled alot of things is my life and always has. Food always gave me something to look forward too. To depend on. Now other things also do that. Lots of them.

Funny chats on the phone with BFF’s…watching my son at flagfootball today (as the team captain) lead his team with such calmness and articulations and warmth to victory! Watching the coach congratulate him not on winning (since most the time his team loses) but in the way that my son had a special sentence or comment for his opponents each hand he shook (good throw-you have a magic hand-you are a super-fast runner-you are talented).

Seeing Beauty off to Quebec city today in good health and taking pictures of the 5 girls who have adored each other forever. Smelling those purple lilacs with hazy mist on them this morning. Eating a yummy cookie and not feeling guilty because I was not supposed too. Enjoying the goodness of healthy meals.

Wearing a new and shiny lip-gloss. Hugging my husband in the morning and almost falling into his arms from exhaustion. Being in Boston with my Mom. Writing on my name badge. Loving the thickness and feel and curl of Chases; beautiful and shiny long and dark hair. Pleasing the President of my company and having his ear.

I like life lately even if I am also paradoxically struggling with it all a bit too.I seemed to have found my formula of taking the edge of things just a bit and giving my mind space to calm down a little. And taking this edge of has provided a hunger in me for many things beyond wheat, flower and pasta.

I don’t know if I will stay like this beyond the two weeks prescribed. Nor do I really care. I will take it as it comes and feed my body what it wants as the moment comes hopefully being a few pounds lighter and leaner so that I feel confident in these summer months to gallivant around in smaller things and show a bit more skin than what has been shown in my skisuits all these winter months.

I am hungry for life. And I intend to feast on every morsel and enjoy every delicious bite count. Every carb ridden-plastic heating-exhausted-wonderful-beautiful-confusing –scary moment of it. Bring it on baby. It is all yummy.