There is a corner I pass almost weekly. Not a special
corner-but one across a fairly busy intersection on a fairly plain road.
I pass it as it is on my way to many errands and play
dates and movies. Each time I pass it I feel good. And I was not sure why.
Until today
I have wondered over the years why I like it in
particular. I knew it has something to do with the summers I babysat close to
there and took the bus home every summer day after my job. I was 13 yrs old and a mother’s
helper to a busy family. I did not remember however liking that family all that
much or cherishing the time I spent there. I tried to remember if a boy I liked
back then lived close by…but none came to mind.
I liked the corner.
Today I remembered him.
Remembered me-the memory. One of a few cherished ones I
have that are powerful for me and also hard to dig up. Good memories. Strong
ones. Memories of love.
It was after I had finished my day babysitting and I was
standing at the corner waiting for the bus. It was a hot sunny day with loads
of sunshine. I was wearing white shorts and a blue t-shirt. Sandals and my hair
in a ponytail down my back. He had called the place I babysat and told me ‘he
had news” in a very excited voice. He told me that I would be very excited and
that he would tell me more when I got home. I begged him to tell me then but he
did not. It was a playful conversation. He sounded happy-I was happy.
So that whole time at the corner I felt like I had won a
prize-the prize of anticipation. I had something to look forward to. My Dad was
going to share something with me..not my Mom..but my Dad. He was going to share something with me. It felt
good.
I was quite sure I knew what the news was but I could not
get my hopes up too high. I could tell from the sound of his voice that I was
right but I could not be sure.
When I got home I ran toward him and he had a big smile
on his face. A smile for me. He was happy. I
made him happy. He told me that I got a very select modelling audition for
a new product for pre-teens. I was so excited! He was so excited! We started choosing
my outfit and my hairstyle together-we planned it all out. Together
He said I could miss school the day it fell on. He said
he would take me and miss work that day. I felt so excited and important. Auditions
were what we shared. It was heavenly to have this together. It felt what normal
fathers and daughters might do together.
I loved that bus corner…I still do. I love the memory
that I remembered.
You see I don’t have many of them that are good like
that-but the ones I do have are really, really good. A sense of togetherness. A
sense of separateness from the confines of our habitual and so often
dysfunctional relationship. A place for us. What any girl needs and wants as
hard as circumstances could be.
I remember that corner as if it was yesterdays and the audition
even stronger. The white blouse and the peasant skirt. The dark bangs and the sandals.
The way the photographer told my Dad I had a smile made of gold. The way I
felt.
I didn’t get that part in that magazine. But I loved that
cherished day as if I had. There were more auditions and other moments similar
to this on-but that one stood out in particular.
I felt my Dad’s pride. I felt taken care of. Two things I
craved and craved and craved as a pre-teen. When I look back at the pictures of
that day-and of pictures I did manage to get in-what I remember most will
always be…
My Dad being happy.
Because of me.
