Certainly not my term that was coined of emotional
deposits and withdrawals into the bank accounts of life.
We have the late Steven Covey to thank for that. I am
quite sure everyone has read his books all around the world.
How true though eh?
Lately I have been focusing on emotional deposits. And
also being less critical and judgmental, and even jealous, in some instances in
my life. Becoming hyper aware of where I deposit and where I withdraw in my
relationships..and most importantly why?
And the why is the really important question when we look
at withdrawals. What happened? And what is my role and responsibility? What
went wrong? Am I holding a grudge? Did that person harm me in the past or do
something to hurt me? Did I communicate my hurt? Did they apologize? Was it
sincere if they did?
So many reasons why we would choose to make a withdrawal
or a deposit into the emotional bank account of others.
And to me it is the people who keep track that are the
most intelligent. The people who are aware enough to know what they are doing
or not doing and make some financial decisions and adjustments.
Deposits:
Going for a surprise icecream after the game
Being there to watch the game instead of an important
meeting at the end of the day
Making a big deal out of her birthday
Remembering the day her Mom died
Helping her even if you are busy with your own family
Forgiving
Letting him stay home and you go
Taking that call just because
Letting them all fall asleep at 8pm and not complaining
even if they promise do watch a move
Withdrawals
Not connecting
Allowing fear to prevent you connecting
Not being able to deal with difficult events of the past
Screaming and fighting and not staying sorry
Saying something means you know will hurt the person
Forgetting things that are important to the other person
Making promises you don’t intend to keep
Committing to things you won’t do
Not showing up
Not acknowledging joy or special events
Not being supportive though times of need
There are many many examples of both areas.
It’s on my mind lately of how even the smallest deposit
makes me feel good and the other person too. And how receiving a deposit can just
make your day.
For me the success of any close relationship is when your
comfort with each other is so high, and so secure and so unconditional…that you
don’t even really realize the deposits and withdraws of life anymore. Because no
one is even keeping score yet the interest is accumulating and growing into the
savings of your life.
And that type of relationship is beyond beautiful.
And when you have it-you never want to let it go.
