Our kids were all coming home from camp on Friday..for
our two week family vacation. We were so excited so go get them from their
respective camps and hug them and spend two uninterrupted weeks with them!
Then we go this Wednesday night:
“Hi
Parents! This text is not to worry you but to tell you that I am having an
AMAZING time and seriously considering staying here an extra week. I am truly
having the time of my life. Love you! Chase”
Hmmmm. Wow. Gulp.
I truly cannot tell you the emotions that went through
both of us when were received that text. A true paradox. Joy. Sadness. Pride. Tears.
Sheer happiness. Sheer Sadness.
It is official-our boy is growing up. And out.
And of course it would be ok if he stayed. The third week
cost ¼ of the other two weeks anyways. The full program is 3 weeks to be a
certified counsellor for downhill biking and we had negotiated that he do 2/3
of program to have our vacations together. And of course we still have a week
all together on vacations. Of course we would allow him to stay of that is what
he wanted. It makes sense right?
But it was the first time that he was completely separate
than us. He was in the lead, the drivers sat (literally) and calling the shots,
according to his own life. Things have changed.
And how did this happen so quickly and so swiftly? We are
still so confused. Our eldest son actually asking
to stay at sleep away camp??? The child who went each year with his teeth
gritted to various camps knowing is was necessarily for his wel-lbeing (and
ours) but waiting to come home with baited breath each time (although he always
had a great time) not being able to wait to watch TV and sleep in his own bed
and be with his family? The same boy who told me as he chose the certification
camp this year himself and was super excited to go that over his dead body
would he stay three week even if he loved it? What happened? And ps did I
mention there is no TV there or computers or video games or I Pads. That the bunk
beds are uncomfortable and they are in the middle of wilderness?
Life happened. Maturity. Growing up. Being
individual.Freedom.
At this camp he is a CIT so a helper to the instructors.
Part of the Staff. They get to ride most the day, clean part the day, cook part
the day and have a blast at night. They don’t have bedtimes the campers do or
the constraints. Weekends there in Bromont in a condo the 5 of them are
minimally supervised between camps. They go out every night into Bromont and to
restaurant (and god knows what else!) they on weekends have to buy their own
food and cook it themselves. Freedom. And he seems to be loving it.
And during camps and certifications and vacations we disconnect.
We have always had that rule in our family. We disconnect and live in the
present moment and so do our kids in their own experiences. We don’t get news
and neither do they until the day before camp is over. It is our gift to them
and to us. It is our way to of letting them know how much we trust them and respect
their privacy. Also a way to let them know that our privacy and vacations are
important to us too. And all three do super well with this-it has made them who
they are. Very, confident, secure, responsible teens (so far!!!)
So eventhough he is free as bird for two whole weekends
between camp with the director having their cells and knowing their comings and
goings and overall responsible but with tons of freedoms….we are not there
keeping tabs or approving what he does or does not do. There is no checking in
like at home or ensuring he is safe and sound. He is a CIT there and hopefully
making good choices. And it is fairly easy for us to do because normally his decisions are great ones. He has fully earned
our trust. The trust that he is an amazing human being who will experiment,
make mistakes, and get right back on track.
Our major expectation of our kids when they are at camp
or anywhere else away from us (or us from them) is that they live the
experience fully and in the present. Fully and separately. It is part of
growing up. No matter how much I am warned or encouraged-I will never be the parent
who looks at all my kids texts and monitors, or goes into their Facebook
accounts often to see what they are up too. It is literally against every value
I have about child rearing and parenting. Sure is there is an issue I will get
involved or maybe snoop a little if necessary here and there if there is reason
for me to think something off-but not until I am driven to that point. Not
ever. Nor have any of my kids up to this point given me reason to ever fully
mistrust them. They are growing up as they should with bumps along the way and
whole lot of self regulation.
Experimenting, learning, building, living. PS when Beauty gets Facebook she
might need some snoopingJ))
But it will be here brothers and not me doing this snooping. I would have hated my parents if they listened into my phone conversations as a teen.....truly.
So there it is. We are now on vacation with our other two
munchkins (more posts on that homecoming later!). We are enjoying them to the
fullest-big nap on the boat the four of us in the sun yesterday….silly cuddles
and tickles and laughter on the couch late at night before bed. It is amazing
to have them home. It is a different dynamic for sure sans Chase and always has
been. He takes up a lot of space..and always has. In a very good way. But
without him is great too in a different way (but we miss him!!)….and we will
enjoy every moment of this family vacation this week with four and next week
with five.
And yesterday he broke the cardinal rule of no calling
from camp or texting and called and said”Mom..are the kids back from camp?
Didn’t they want to call me???”
And so I put him on the phone with each of them. And
enjoyed every moment of that phenomenal love between them. Every moment of
their older brother adoring them and being adored. Understanding that their
lives go way way beyond their parents at this point. And this is a point of no return.
And returning to the shock of that text of Chase telling
us he was busy growing up for another week and realizing with full certainty
that it was not a slap in the face to us……it is a pat on the back for the
parents we are and are being.
We have taken child of ours who has had many obstacles in
life (his ADHD was undiagnosed until the age of 15yrs which has been hard in
many ways )and helped him to find his wings to soar. Both towards us. And away
from us. We did this-with him. Together.
Tonight since it is not really a camp week but an extra
week we will all text him and wish him a great week. Maybe check in that he is
alive up there with so much freedom?
I love this child (little man). With my heart and soul.If
this is how it feels to truly love? I am really good at it.
