Today we celebrate our 18 yr. wedding anniversary of
marriage.
And I made a decision: If I had to choose one person to
be stranded on an island for the rest of
my life with-it would be him.
For the obvious reasons of that he is super super capable
and resourceful (like as in a million times more than anyone you know)…he would
find a way to make me some arugula salad out of plants, he would take care of
me and let me sunbathe on the beach while he chopped wood, he would massage my feet
at night for 18 minutes….and he would find a way off that island even if it
killed him.
But the also for the simpler reasons: because we truly
and uttlerlyy love each other’s company. He is very quiet a lot of the time
which is what my racing brain needs, and today we named 18 things of why we are
compatible and we pretty much like everything the same (except for fixing TVs,
putting light bulbs into sockets and going to plays).
He would remain my island guy. For sure.
So today is our typical “being at the cottage alone on
vacation day”. But we are trying to make it a little special because it is our
anniversary. Nothing could tear us out of our pjs or bathing suits to drag our
sorry asses to a restaurant or anything. We are both really cheap dates and
pretty easy to please.
We woke up with a hug and he gave me a really nice French
card and 8 bick pens from the pharmacy that I really wanted as we are out of
pens. And I get to choose when he gives me and 18 minutes massage on my feet on
the dock. I gave him no card this year (long story which he understands) and no
gift (which he understands too). Next year.
We went for a two hour sail on the lake…I made a special pear
arugula lunch with cucumber and hummus and we shared a caramel vanilla drumstick
on the dock, then went out an read for an hour on the lake, the fell asleep on
the boat in each other’s arms for about an hour, then came back here and
stuffed our faces with Cheetos and oreos since we never have treats at home,
watched an episode of Breaking Bad, and now he is making chicken brochettes
with Greek salad and potatoes and tzicki.
It’s actually the perfect day. In our own special way.
And last night we celebrated a bit too with our BFF’s who have been a very
important part of our marriage this years and had a blast at a fancy resto and
then back in the Jacuzzi for late night chats the four of us.
I could not ask for more..
Today we wrote our daughter an email at camp and
generally just hung out. Since Friday at 4pm we have only been part for 1.25
hrs (45 mins when he went to the grocery store and would not let me come be he
wanted to surprise me with my pens, and another 30 minutes today where I forced him to go sailing alone at end of day because I realized
he might need some time to think without my constant chatter.
We are inseparable on vacation. And in life. We do things
together always. Sure we have separate jobs and separate interests, He sings at
choir and I see friends or shop. We do separate things sometimes-and love that
time too. But most of our spare time is spent as a couple and as family. And I
truly think that is the success of our 18 yrs. together through good and
through bad. We love spending time alone or with others-but we also love
spending time together and literally his version of the perfect day is very
close to my version of the perfect day. And we try to bring to life those
perfect days as often as possible.
We sleep at the same time and wake at the same time,
relax at the same time and eat at the same time. Anything else if just not
acceptable to either of us.
And that is why I can’t really go on a diet ever as he
would divorce me as then I would be really boring and not eat Cheetos and
drumsticks with him.
My parents were a
bit the same actually. They actually had a beautiful love story that I have let
into my heart lately as I work though my childhood experiences in therapy. He
was her professor at college and her 12 yrs. younger. And for many yrs before
he became very sick –they would spend all their time together lovingly. They could
not stand to be part and would call: “Changing levels!” when one went to another
floor of the house (we had 4 levels). I always tucked that story they told me
away as a precious memory-as proof that I had parents who loved each other.
That meant something to me to know that my parents were in love. That they
stayed together.
Until this year I have found it difficult to remember the
good times about my Dad as there were many bad times that followed and
eventually he and I barely spoke for years and years before his death a few
years ago.. But as I sort through the impact he and his illness had on me in
childhood and adolescence and come closer to understanding and peace around it…..I
am able to open my heart and remember more of the good times.
And they were plentiful. And rich.
And life with my Mom was always outstanding. And warm and
safe and wonderful. I could not ask for a better relationship with another
human being overall. I am so lucky. It’s hard to have had such different experience
with two parents living under one roof providing
two different types of parenting and not to have my love unified for both of
them together. To have such different feelings and experiences with two people
who loved each other but loved me in such different ways. I am struggling to
put back the pieces and to have that make sense.
Trying To stop drawing Triangles.
But I do know that they were inseparable for many years
and very much in love for many years. And this comforts me. For whatever
reason.
And makes me feel proud and good that in my own marriage-we
are very much like that. I am glad I have that legacy.
And even prouder that I have allowed the memory and the comparison
into into my fragile heart. Finally my heart is able to take it-and that is a
big step.
18 yrs.…..wow…and if we can make it to the end of this
year united and together and bonded..I truly believe we can make it through anything.
And most importantly providing our three children a real life example, of
resilience, courage, strength and love.
And that..I am prouder of then anything else.
Love in Action.
