I don’t have the perfect marriage (although I have a
really good one)
Far from perfect. 20 yrs together and 18 married and we
have had our share of issues and problems and successes and great moments.
Our marriage is stable and secure and good.
Today as we looked at our finances together it occurred to
me what we are really good at as a couple: (the top three things)
1-Parenting. Totally aligned and in agreement on I would
say 98 % of subjects
2-Figuring out solutions to big problems. Great communication
together. If there is a problem-we solve it. Takes us forever to make decisions-but
we make good ones and never look back once they are made
3-We get our act together. As parents as a couple as
workers as humans. We fix what is broken and give it our laser focus and
attention and won’t back down until it is fixed.
Another time I will write a list of top 3 things we are
bad at but not today. Today I was impressed by us.
We need to get our serious act together over our finances.
And so we are. Have set every free
hour of the next week to do so (keep in mind not too many hours left with our careers, kids medical apts, mom off
sick tomorrow so all domestic stuff of week, chiros and dr apts in evening,
planning for vacation in a week, extracurricular activities and 6 hrs. of sleep
a night, taking care of the two homes and transition from summer to winter
etc..etc..etc)
But as we sat at dining room table last night and this
morning..I looked over at my partner and was so grateful that that he is mine
and in this life together with me.
I don’t
care. If you tear me apart. Oh no…
Cause in a sky full of stars...
I think I saw you.
This financial stuff is not easy for us. We have literally been avoiding it for 18 yrs. We save some money (sometimes) have a financial planner we meet with twice a year, save for educations-but really we have known idea where our money is going. If we seem to be able to pay of the credit cards and bills at the of the months we figure we are ok and keep on spending in the usual direction-having no clue what or how much we spend on. Our financial advisors get mad at us often-and we just kinda ignore them and hope they all go away.
It’s a great formula usually.
Until you can’t pay the bills and expenses anymore.
And you have to max out your line of credit.
That is where we are at I guess…seems crazy
Sort of like when your dentist tells you to floss your
teeth. And you ignore him until you are getting gum surgery and regret it.
But in 2014 along with the whole bunch of problems we got to experience-we also had massive amounts
of unplanned expenses-and I mean massive that
all go along with these circumstances. 2014 has been one big hot mess.
And a whole lot of living to do this year too! We had two
trips planned with family (usually take one every two years with the family) and three kids in high
school so a big expense etc….this was a year we knew would be more expensive
than others. It was our special year
as last year of high school for Chase-so we are trying to pack in everything we
have ever wanted to do as a family before one goes off to Cegep and has different
schedule and priorities etc.We have always been a family of five and justts won’t
be the same without him with us all the timeL(
So what did we do? Just forge along blindly….just planned
it all and went ahead with the special year of course! Well now we have to sort it all all. And understand the
last year, and our spending, and eighteen yrs. of being ignorant. It is scary.
We are really anxious. And exhausted. And petrified. But we are in this
together. And when we do something? We do it really well. We are a super team.
So in doing our anxiety provoking expenses exercise this
week which is far from complete I have noticed:
-That we spend A LOT of money on food.
-That relationahipsare top of list in every choice we
make
-That medical expenses are super high and this is a top
priority for us. If we are broken we fix it –we don’t back away from hard
things (aka $200 for 50 mins of therapy weekly, uncomfortable yearly colonoscopies
done)
-We have a great life and I can’t believe we have managed
to pull this off all these years
-We really know our priorities. Cars could not bat an
eyelash for but spending time with those we love in a leisurely envioronment a super high priority
-We work really really hard
-We are financially irresponsible in ways not to know
where money is going
But…. Another part of me looked at this and was grateful.
Grateful that I have not had to do this horrible exercise in this way until
now. Grateful that we have always been able to travel and have leisure, and go
out to restaurants and have a cottage. Grateful because if I had done these 18 yrs.
ago…there is so much of this stuff we would not have done. Ignorance is bliss
is some ways….The ignorance formula used to work before-but not working so well
anymore I must admit. Time to adapt and get smart again.
Anyways despite an extremely busy and stressful and financially
packed week where we are slowly discovering we spend much more than we earn-to
our dismay…:
I
felt very much in love
And after 18 yrs. of marriage?
That is a gift.
(not sure if Hubby would say the same! He seemed to have a
lot of headaches this week!)
Sorting out the sometimes hot mess of my life-one step at
a time.
Grateful for my courage to know what is broken..and to
put it back together.always
