My front has always mattered so much more to me than the
back.
It dates back to high school where I would work out at
the gym and focus only on the parts of my body that I saw in the front mirror.
I remember ChildhoodWonder saying to me” what about your back-shouldn’t you
work those muscles too?” and I would say “who cares about the back!”
Now in adulthood it is my hair. I literally often can be found
at work with knots in the back of my hair but the front being beautiful and styled
and lovely. It’s pathetic.
I guess it is a time saver thing? Have to cut out something?
I guess the back of me is my basket B? Or maybe even C? I mean what
professional adult leaves the back of her hair in knots and never glances at the
back of her? I guess that would be me?
Today I was sitting in the second row in a big company
presentation and I received recognition for a project and had to stand up and
actually thought “shit I wish people were seeing my front-it is so much better”
I like myself so much better in a bathing suit from the
front. I like my boobs better than my ass. I like the front of my hair much
better than the back (clearly). I like the way my clothes fit in the front better
than the back or sideways.
This must all mean something in my life. Symbolize
something big maybe?
I personally think it all has to do with brain space. I
seem to have more right now than I have had for years and years based on things
and issues I am shedding along the way of life. I have had others people backs
for so long-now it is time to care about mine? I have to time to focus on
different parts of myself than I did in other years?
(But actually I have no time. And less and less time. But
I do make space for different things now. I don’t sweat the small stuff much
anymore be I have had big things to deal with this year.Not much fazes me
anymore I can honestly say. That’s the good part of dealing with bigger crappier
stuff!
So I find myself lately starting to have my own back-in
ways I never cared about before.
Feels a little backwards for me…but good nonetheless.
And I know it is the next stage of bringing me forward.-iwhich I guess is all part of my process
