For many years my professional and family life was
very straightforward. 12 years of working 3-4 days in leadership roles in Big pharma.
1-2 days of my own company Lifeworks on the side.
It was hectic and busy but predictable. The days
themselves were not predictable but in general the weeks were unless travelling
about 6 weeks a year on average for work.
This allowed me to be disciplined with good habits
in our home life too for 12 solid years (which I consider the most important
years of our children's lives and our family lives)
With the balance I strived for and maintained for
these 12 yrs ... I was able to be the type of professional and family person I
aspired to be ( with lots of faults on the home front )
This required massive amounts of energy from me to
maintain this integration.. But was worth every struggle and ounce of
energy
I delivered 100 percent to my team and deliverables
at work and I never missed a vacation, ballet recital or important event in my
family-I was pretty close to 100 percent of what I aspired to at home (except
for my screaming, nagging swearing and irritablity and the monthly pulling on
my kids hair (hard!)
From a life work integration perspective... I had
it all.And it was my mission to keep it
that way. And with lots of hard work and dedication ... I did.
Now.. I am focused on building Lifeworks and trying
out the consultancy life until the end of 2015 and making a decision then of
which career path to take. There are so many opportunities ... this is for certain,
but this path requires a whole other set
of skills and energy to two into them.
All the sudden my balance is really off again and I am striving to find it again.
My days are filled so far with plenty of work ( as at the pharma company for 4 weeks on a big
project ) and my evenings and weekends are filled with creating proposals for
the other opportunities coming my way that are presenting themselves through
people knowing I was laid off and available and also from me networking
It's a different life and one that I am not used to
yet. I will be working around the clock for a few more weeks and then won't be
having a set contract... Until I do again. Possibilities take lots of work but
are not for certain.. And others just fall in your lap .
It's as if life really really wanted me to “trust
the process “and decided to throw this in my face . Feels a bit like a glass of
cold water with ice being thrown in your face-but on a day you needed to wake
up anyways.
So no I have not found my balance yet in this structure.
It will take some time.. But trust me I will .
Because as I live this .. I realize this is how
most people run their lives . They don't seek balance. They want it but they
don't out the effort in to make it happen and be sustained.
And what a family is left with them this is the
case is in my opinion not conducive to a good family life over a long term period.
Right now my son needs braces and I have no time to
handle it . My daughter craves a longer tuck- in but I am too tired and
irritated to give more than 5 mins . My other son went to the dentist alone and
I never asked him about it . Our taxes are due and were scrambling last min
tonight to get them done until all hours of the night.. I have a friend in need
and we can't find time to speak on phone. My mom has not been feeling well and
I still need her to come to house for her weekly job to help or we will starve.
My husband and I need to spend some quality time cuddling on the couch and
chatting but we fall asleep in minutes at 11pm as one of us walks in the door. My
son’s grad is coming up and I have never thought of renting him a tuxedo
What I notice most is that the project most on my
mind 24:7 is my work. I don't have time to think about myself and my family.
And at this stage of my life... This might me
appropriate and ok? Maybe not?
But I am grateful that for those 12 yrs. I carved
myself out the time and space to be able to make them alongside my deliverables
at work: my most important projects .Without
that space in my mind-we would never had had the marriage and family life we
did.
So what is my project now? What should it be? What do
I want it to be? What will it be?
These are the things I am pondering these days-as
soon as I have a minute to sit and think.
