One of my BFF’s has three gorgeous kids under the age of
5 yrs and we have never ever gotten a Christmas picture of them, a Christmas
card, a baptism card or a baptism invitation.
And each time I think about this…
I feel so envious and admirable of this girl!!!!!
I totally and sincerely look up to this so much. She is
an amazing example of someone who really does live in the present, with her
kids, with her husband, with her friends. She is out to prove nothing to
anybody.
She takes her photos for her, and displays them for
her. It’s for her. She keeps her kids gorgeousness for her. I have honestly
not seen such a beautiful family. But she does not concern herself with the
time spent on so many of the things others, including me, that we busy
ourselves with. And that we create stress and havoc with.
She is the most religious non religious person I know.
She doesn’t need anything to guide her…….her goodness is enough.
So while I am sometimes a bit sad to notsee a scrumptious photos of
these three darlings, or have an occasion to wear my little black dress to with
champagne in hand……I fully realize that these non-events and no cards are
symbolic of this friend’s utter devotion to her life.
And that same devotion she shows her family she shows me
too. You would not catch this girl ever checking texts or answering her phone
if you are with her. She is yours when you are hers. She will put you before
everything and everything going on in her own life when you need her and she will
always make space for you. And if she cannot she will gently let you know.
You know that feeling when you are with someone but you
know they are thinking about a million other things? Or when you are talking to
them and their husband has something going on and so the phone is always next
to them? Or when they are listening but always interupting just in case their
kids need them (guilty as charged in some instances eventhoughI hate this quality!!!!)
Why is it our kids always have to come before everything and anything else? I
have to get better at that and quickly.
She is fully present in her life and this to me is the
only goal I should ever have. And she chooses very carefully who gets to have
her. Lucky me eh???
So for 2013…..I will choose a word. A letter actually. It
will be easy because it is so simple to remember. “V” for her name. To aspire
to become more like her, more peaceful and calm. Caring less about the future
and more about the present, giving the gift of my prescence to myself and
others. And having the confidence and security to never need to send a Christmas
photo in hopes that someone out there will think me and my family are great.
And knowing full well internally that they are. (I may still send one btw).
Knowing myself well enough to get the help I need,
relying on my friends for support and understanding, telling people things I
have never admitted to myself, and understanding that life comes with it a lot of
punches and I better get with that program if I am going to enjoy the ride.
Finally being fully supportable by others…..since my life
has been a long road of supporting others. And allowing that love and feeling
of being loved to coexist with intellect and my own love for them.
Allowing others to see me fall.
And letting them catch me before it is too late.
Becoming the student before I become the real teacher.
Letting her not just teach me, but following her utterly
lovely example of life.
Becoming somebody my husband is proud of for my heart and
not for my mind.
Letting go of the need to protect myself.
Believing they will all still be there even if I slip a
bit
Now that I have forgiven, the next step is to free myself
of the weight of having to conduct the entire orchestra around me.
Letting go of the coping skills I mastered as a child,
and leaving those behaviours at the front door.
Letting her lie down next to me and let me cry my heart
out if I ever need to one day.
Letting them in.
