The Simple Life

It has been years ongoing that my passwords at work have been “back tothebasics” “simplicity” or “easydoesit” There has always been a theme-of striving for something that is hard for me-hard for us. Knowing how important it is but not being able to get it right somehow.

Struggling to achieve something we need in our family but having not a bone in my body that can do this by instinct or innately. So year after year my passwords are often variation of this goal. And I do succeed at this in so many ways-I try and make our lives simple by not trying to climb the career ladder too much, being home for dinner a few times during week and taking nature walks. But still no matter what,  always have a backup plan, an extra 10 outfits to change into just in case, and an emergency exit wherever I go.

And our lives are always abundantly complex. Abundantly. And stressful. No matter how many goals and passwords I have and how much I try Peace and serenity are always very far from within our reach it seems. Some of these problems are “first world problems” and others lately have been big problems for real. Seems like lately we have the tasting dish and get to sample a bit of everything lucky us.

Like yesterday for example. My husband just damn well needed a break. He needed to be able to take a morning coffee and read a paragraph of the paper before he went to work. I was on way out the door as final semester exams for kids so driving them to school …and the phone rings. Alarm company that husband new office was broken into. Chaos ensures..panic..none of us can barely breathe. He runs out-kids are a mess for exams. A false alarm with a big big story behind it for another day…but stress stress stress stress on a day where all he needs is……a cup of warm coffee and a kiss.
 

And then last night a simple visit to the doctor for our son turns into a nightmare with a speeding heart rate…anxiety..an electrocardiogram..blood tests and the doctor taking him off concerta immediately. PS final exams were today. PSS-I am freaking out over what could be wrong with my son???

Some of my more first world problems include having my entire eyelid ripped off with wax and scarred. Yes nice job on the eybrows woman! Really really nice. If I am calling this a "minor detail" lately and barely give thought to the fact that I will likley look like a monster the rest of my life-I must do something very quickly about the  overall stress  level in my life I guess!

So we are hunkering down people. God I hate that word eh-it is the gayest around isn’t it? Almost makes me sick how silly it sounds..but today I like it. I am clearly desperate.

I am estimating that for the next 6 months to a year…and maybe for a lifetime if we stay smart enough, this family is focusing on the basics. Eating sleeping and getting up. Cleaning up. Nature . Walking, Reading. Writing. Simple meals and simple feelings. Hugs and cuddles and a chicken breast in between with breadcrumbs and beans. The big activity of the evening will be cleaning the table and taking a broom to the floor. Weekends will be snowshoeing and snowflakes on our tongues.

Restaurants, parties, get together, movies, TV, will be few and far between. Valentine’s Day maybe not celebrated and evenings will be spent by the fire. Friends will come over but will be simple for the next little while. Coffees and cakes .A big jug of grape juice will be in the center of our table nightly with a whole slew of ice cubes.

And these things will be the center and not the details. They will define us.

(I am not picturing a Christmas elf to fit in much into this. Christmas elves are just a whole other layer of complication)

We will cling tight to each other and the village around us and focus on breathing and simplicity. And we will fall into bed at night and sleep..and sleep and sleep. In the comfort that we are together. And before bed at night we will each write..yes we will eat write and drink some tea.

And big bad life will get in the way-that is certain. Alarms will keep ringing-break ins will happen….children of ours will have panic attacks and need counselling. Electrocardiograms will be had. Focus will be lost. Deadlines will need to be met and projects handed in. Promotions will be had and friends will be in need. We will worry for our loved ones. Medical tests will need to be waited out and worried for.

We will fall and we will get back up again. We won’t allow ourselves to be beaten (unless we have nervous breakdowns first)

But we will have learnt that nothing will ever be as important as just getting through the day with love and peace and happiness in some form, for a moment, an hour or a lifetime. And health is really all that matters. This year we will remember that.

My husband today was telling me of a friend of his that he spoke to this weekend (my friends Grace’s husband) that will guest post on my blog next week as her husband recently got back from rehabilitation and is in recovery for alcohol abuse. He told my husband of a letter he wrote and read in front of his group’s therapy….that he later burned outside in front of the group it as part of his recovery and new found sobriety

It was called “Adieu Conso” (translation is sweet expression for Goodbye Consummation)

And I thought of this man today..and his letter..and his goodbyes..and his hellos. The beginning for him of a whole new life and a full goodbye to the life he and his family had always known. The title of that letter played over and over and over in my mind for the last 24 hrs.

“Adieu Conso”. Something about the sound of it strikes me as beautiful.

And openness to world that did not exist for this man a month ago. A new and simple “hello”.

And makes me think of my family and us hunkering down. And..we will. And somehow this time I don’t think I will need my passwords or post it notes on the mirror to make sure I do.

I think finally..finally that my head and my heart are being connected together to some appropriate level. And are working in unison.

PS-I am so looking forward to writing a super boring blog soon has no worry, drama or excitement. Super super boring is my only  goal.