Happily Spent

Last night after an incredibly busy (and important weekend) I sat with my little family at 8:30pm around our kitchen counter at Trent by candlelight. Spa music playing softly in the background, a meal of leftover baguette and fancy cheeses and grapes, we sat munching and chatting and content.

I love beginning and ending the weekend with them all. All of us together. I felt so complete and happy and relaxed and the words “happily spent” kept coming to mind.

Our lives can get so chaotic and hectic sometimes-and these moments are so precious. What I realize too is that they are fueled by experiencing things together, living things together and ensuring that we hold on to our kids and keep them with us for all the important stuff we do as a family. Even though they are tempted sometimes to separate-we are eager to attach them. Even though were are willing often to escape it all it is critical that at this period of their lives we stay put and hold them closer to us.

Over the years my husband and I have been notorious for escaping once a year to some sunny hot place alone just the two of us, away from it all, in complete tranquility and relaxation. The Great Escape. What I find myself doing lately is counting all the years left that my kids will be young enough to be able to travel with us, without jobs, eager enough to spend their entire weekends at the cottage with us, and small enough to be tucked into their beds…and I find myself dreaming of all our time together and not our our time apart.

I realize that after they are 18yrs old I will have many, many quiet moments and months to travel just the two of us. Right now I get them. I get to soak them in as ours.

So this weekend was a really good one, despite being the most exhausted we may have ever been in our lives. The last few weeks have held so many things for our family and we have experienced most of them all together. We all feel into bed (each other’s beds) literally on Saturday night. I started off with Hubby and Beauty in mine and ended up with Chase. (Bear is too deep a sleeper than to want or care sleep anywhere else but in his own bedJ).

And Mama Bear was deeply proud of her 3 Cubs this weekend . What has always profoundly bugged me about blogs, before I started writing one, was the bragging factor. Everyday it seems like Johnny is amazing! Karen scored a goal!  Tom made a cake|! I read so little about Sara swearing at her parents, and Jim beating up the little girl at school….I had very mixed feelings about blogs. It's hard to find the right balance.

So in mine I try to be real. But sometimes I get the feeling that I brag too little and am too hard on the kids. To honest about some of my more negative or ambivalent feelings Other times I feel like I brag too much and pat myself on the back too often.

Today I don’t care. They impressed me to no end this weekend so became very “blog worthy".

We had all of my husband’s college friends over all day and evening Saturday-a gang of 15 adults and my kids wined them, and dined them, and talked to them all day. They socialized and chatted and spoke in two languages. They looked everyone straight in the eye and greeted them with big hugs and kisses and shook firm handshakes.  They asked them about their lives and shared theirs. They left us alone when needed and interacted when called on. They sat at the huge table with us for dinner for over 3.5 hours and just listened, and laughed and added their own two cents often. The meal tasted ten times better because of them.

They left the strict, childless, fancy French couple, who usually hate kids wanting to adopt all three.

And the next day it all continued. We did our final move from our family cottage to Trent. We said goodbye. Hubby’s neice and her young children were there and my kids welcomed them, and held hands with them, and got them dressed and offered to help with them. They complimented the couple on their new car, and poured their drinks and were so present and engaging and interesting.

The skill that we believe with all of our hearts will make our kids successful in life, which we focused on so ademently since they were infants (at the detriment of other thing it seems such as tidness some of the time and other areas where they are little piggies in some ways..) is all paying off. It’s all coming together and we could not be happier or more proud.

They sparkled. They have all the tools they need for their futures.I  can breathe (I think).

The have confidence. In themselves. In others.  In the world ahead that lies ahed of them. They don't fear it at all. They will be perfectly ok.

And we felt like we had done our job well.

For those few moments.

For these couple of days.

We took pride in other’s words, and lavish compliments. It felt good.

Because often it just feels like too much.

Too overwhelming.

Too chaotic.

Too energy consuming.

We question ourselves daily if we are good?

Good enough?

Capable as parents?

Have we focused on the right things?

But today I brag because they deserve it.

We deserve it.

We are happily spent, until next weekend until I hope to be happily spent with them again and again and squeeze as much happiness into the next few years as I possibly can.

To escape towards them and not away from them.

To Indulge as much as I possibly can while they are still mine.