“God
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change
the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference”
(Serenity
prayer)
Since I wrote my post last year that was a big hit
“Deserved Chewables” and made a lot of people laugh…things have not moved ahead
very far unfortunately in the pill swallowing department.
My 15 year old son still cannot swallow a pillL
My 13 yr. old learnt this year and my 10 yr. old learnt
this week, but no success with my 15 yrs. old.
And this poses a very big problem because he needs to
start a daily medication for his ADD and the one prescribed needs to be
swallowed. We have spent the last 6 weeks doing everything possible to get him
to swallow it. He went to my Mom’s for 2 hours and we bought every contraption
off the internet to help us. He tried 6 times alone locked in the bathroom
filling his mouth up with water first, pushing it to the back off his throat..Everything.
Trust me I have read every trick there is on the internet to help him.
We have tried understanding and tough love. Sympathy and bravery.
Hugging him and screaming at him. No go.
Last night my husband did something that we would never
even dream of doing for ANYTHING. He smacked a 50$ bill in front of Chase and
told him if he swallowed it within 15 minutes it was his. Nope.
And the kid is cooperative and motivated. He wants to
swallow it desperately. He tried and tried and persevered. He is fully on
board. My husband even agrees after the bribery incident and watching the way
Chase swallows normal food like yogurt even with difficulty that this is just
not going to happen. Not at this phase of his life anyways. And trust me my
husband up until now has been pushing and pushing and pushing.
So
last night we did something we never ever do. We gave up.
When Chases was curled in a ball crying in his bed after feeling spent,
humiliated and tired of failing at something he feels he has no control over…we
just looked at him and told him it was ok. We told him that we were going to
stop trying to force it and find alternate methods. That he would do this if
and when he was ready as hard as this will make his life.
And then I did something else I have never done. I left
his room with him not being able to speak at all as he was so upset except for
two words which I managed to get out of him “I am depressed and I am mad at
myself”. And I hugged him and went to
watch American Idol.
Later that night I left him a beside note “It will be
ok..I promise. I believe in you and I always will”
And somehow I woke up this morning feeling good. And
proud. And happy. And when I saw Chases’s face this morning I knew that I chose
the right path. He hugged me and smiled at me and we made jokes in the car on
the way to school. He openly talked about his “failure” and his crying spell in
front of his brother.
We did well.
So yes we will have to live with the consequences and so
will Chase.But this time we do not deserve it.
Yes I will have to hear every family member’s opinion and
friend’s opinions and the neighbors next door, most saying “just tell him to
suck it up and swallow the damn pill-be a man!” and trust me their advice is
precious and I have tried that many a time. And yes I will read time after time
after time on the internet to keep at it and cut gummy bears in half and
swallow whole bananas with pills in the middle. I will suck it up and listen to
all of this.
And
ignore most of it and follow my heart on this one. And give up.
He will go on the sub optimal drug that can be broken and
sprinkled and we will manage with that one. We will try see the positives
instead of the negatives and wear our raise colored glasses for a while. I tell
myself that since this one is less long acting he will not be “zombie like” by
the time I get home for dinner-yay! I wasn’t looking forward to his normal and natural
sparkle only showing up when he slept anyways.
And I will feel that I was successful and so was he in to
very distinct ways. I was able to know when enough was enough but more
importantly to see this child of mine as more adult. This is his problem and
not mine. He will have to deal with it in his life and handle it. I have him
all the help I had in me and I did my best.
And he succeeds because he truly and utterly and honestly
tried his best to overcome this phobia. And despite it all this morning he was
able to get up and get dressed and smile and laugh and let life go on.
And this ability in him-and especially him-is something
that I admire tremendously. And has taught me something that I will remember as
a lesson forever.
Move
on. Life is good.
And this time chewable were not deserved but we got them anyway.
