There is not much that compares to the anxiety I feel, if
I feel that the health or well-being one of my kids or husband are threatened.
Except
when it comes to my Mom and her health and wellbeing.
It is all consuming. My love for her is immense. There aren’t
many words to describe it really. And Monday she will go into surgery and this makes me
feel really nervous. The surgery will be hard and her recovery hard. I will be
taking care of her for two days-that will be hard too.
When it comes to her I feel her pain as if it was my
own-her stress as if it was my own. Sometimes and often even much more than
with my own three kids. And Monday there I will be be waiting in the waiting room
alone-as she sleeps.
I have been very very good at controlling my stress and
anxiety over this so far, and I continue to do shockingly well still-but for
some reason this morning it started getting to me. My stomach hurts, and my
head is blurry and all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep myself for a
long while.
But I know that is no help at all-and not a good idea. I need to be strong and there for my Mom. I need to act
like Me.
It pains me to the core to think that my Mom will be recovering
alone after the first few days of help. I want a man holding her hand. I want a
strong Dad or a Step Dad holding mine.
Anyways-this weighs heavily on my mind and I want Monday to
come and go quickly for her. I know it will go very well-I can feel it in my
bones. My Mom has a long and healthy life ahead of her.Of that I am certain.
This surgery brings up so many complex feeling for me on
so on many levels. Monday will be a difficult day.
Love-prayers and hugs to my beautiful Mama-Bear
Your Baby Cheena
