I
never realized before now that raising teens is a little bit like passing over
your own baton. You give them you. Your time. Your wants. Your needs. Your
dreams. They start where you left off in so many ways.
I
noticed it so much when today as I drove to Cottage with Beauty and her BFF and
heard them giggling and giggling in the backseat. So carefree. Nothing to worry
about: no Mortgage.. No marriage. No kids. Biggest problem of the day is
whether to straighten or curl their hair
I
envy them. I would love to be carefree again.
Giggling with a BFF. I got close
to that feeling when Soulkeeper and I went away for a week last year or when
she comes here at the cottage twice a year and we turn off our phones completely
and shut ourselves out to the outside world. We know if we let that world in
even for a moment we will lose that feeling of freedom ... Which is so rare to
have as two moms with careers and six kids between us. Shutting it out and down
is the only way. I love how for both of us this is a natural instinct to
treasure and cherish the rare times we have together-those days twice a year
are priceless.
I
wanted so badly to Go away a week alone this winter. To a far off place on a
beach with a pile of books and maybe even a glass of champagne to get my head a
little dizzy. . I had a dream. A crazy dream. That dream was unrealistic and a
little silly. It didn't happen. And that was probably good. Or maybe not? Maybe
if would have been wonderful. No money and no time made my decision for me.
Instead
I decided to take a day at the cottage on a Monday. On a day I usually work for
myself and am a busy mom. On a day where I work from 6am until often midnight.
A day for me. Me only .To read by the fire . In my pjs.
And
then my daughter asked to share that day with me because her and her BFF were
off of school . To ski ( which they are both obsessed with and can't ever get
enough of) And so I say yes. I pack the bags and empty the car . Be the
chauffeur to and from the ski mountain . Share my fire and my couch . Trade
reading in for Gossip Girl . Watch a horror movie . Go out in the cold For
Pizza . Cuddle with my daughter as Jessabelle gets murdered in the movie and
plan our escape for the cottage if a murder presents themselves at our remote
door.
I
text my buddies and talk to my Mom. I do a whole lot of nothing and a whole lot
of everything. I fall asleep and set and alarm For 15 minutes later to go get
the girls when I feel that I could have slept for hours
And
I realize that this is exactly how I want to spend my day. There is no where I
want to be more. Being alone is amazing but being with two teen girls is even
better.
It's
passing the baton from me to Her. With her . Letting her in. The year of Her .
Hopefully the year for us . It's
letting her needs take over my needs when she needs me most. Probably when I
need her most too. Getting the guard down .
It's
finding my flow one step at a time. Letting her be part of my flow . Praying
she will want to be. Hoping it's not too late.
Is
it ever?
With
a teen this age... Especially a girl teen- it's not so much of passing the
baton but trying to hold onto it together. Finding that rhythm that is right
for both of you as she enters womanhood and you give up wishing your were a girl.
It's
meeting each other right in the middle and what better way than on a day that
was supposed to be yours and she wanted to make ours to begin?
If
in have to choose two focuses only to flow - she has one spot. And I started
giving her that apt today on my day off that replaced my week at the beach. If
felt best. To stand in the sun.. With her. It’s something I want more than
anything and actually have no clue how to attain.
Today
was a good start.
