Out of Order

I realized something really important about myself over the weekend.

Some people might find this surprising about me..Very surprising. For those who know me extremely well though-it won’t come as a shock.

I am really quite bad with order in my house. I am actually quite disorganized. I am definitely messy and untidy.

I say people would be very surprised because in most ways I am the organized Queen. I mean every birthday card I receive, or wedding speech about me or anything I have ever heard about myself includes a  reference to my obsessive organizing, my hyper to do lists and my many systems that are engrained in our family and our kids to keep order and upkeep in our  house.

Somehow though this sense of order has just not made it to the dishes piled up in the sink that seem not to bother me, or the jam stain on the sofa that I chose a nap over cleaning it up, or the way I pack with my clothes rolled up in a ball in my suitcase, or my desk at home or at work which are definitely the true definition of organized chaos.

I want more order in my life, chaos really stresses me out. I think I am a master of organizing time and priorities but a disaster at organizing things. I think that at the expense of being orderly with things-I focus on organizing time and events. I need a better balance in these two areas.

Another reason why I often choose not to be orderly is that it is much easier to delegate order than it is other things I do to the people who help me out at home. Asking someone to load the dishwasher or sort clothing is much easier than asking them to call your brother and ask him how his move is going or to write back to a friend in need of a listening ear.

I see the difference in my stress levels when things are very orderly around me. Our cottage is a perfect example. At Trent because we bought it recently and put massive time into the initial organizing of it- everything has a place and is very well thought out and organized. It is a place of serenity and I generally care alot more about keeping it this way than I do in our actual home. When I take something out I put it back-mainly because I know where back is! I took the time to not only devise systems in this house but a place for everything. Trent calms me completely and I feel great while I am there (could very well also have something so do with the lake, the skiing, the yummy food too!)

It’s funny how deficient I feel I am in this area and how hard I feel it would be for me to change. To some they consider me their mentor in order, systems for chores, systems for laundry, systems for homework, systems for cubbies, for making lunches, for grocery lists. Some of it can be true.  But underneath-I am a bit of a disaster really.

The perfect example was my wedding day. Spent a bit of change on my dress, the nice hair up do, the sparkly shoes, the sleek jewels, the radiant makeup etc.. but never even took one single minute to look or study myself in the mirror before I left to get married! My mom always laughs about it. I could not care less how my dress looked from the back, or my hair for that matter, or if my shoes did or did not peek out from under my dress. My garment belt could have been twisted 4 times around my leg and it would not have made a difference to me. I was into the BIG picture that day of hoping to be a beautiful bride and marrying the man I love. The details were completely irrelevant to me. That day symbolizes a lot in my life..the tradition has carried on.

Big Picture Important. Details Irrelevant.

Somehow lately though as I approach the age of someone supposed to be all grown up,the stains on the couch bother me more. The toothpaste in the sink gets on my nerves and my clothes rolled in a ball, grate on my nerves a bit.

I am disappointed in myself not for these bad habits necessarily, but for the lessons they are teaching my children in order or lack of it:(  I might be raising three kids who I hope are autonomous,  leaders and good at homework, but if they  go around  eating a pancake and spilling the syrup on the floor and  don’t bother to  clean it up (nor their Mom)..then who am I fooling?
They will be more likely to be asked to appear on Roseanne Barr’s Daytime Show than to go on to be truly successful individuals.

This needs to be worked on. I need help!