Sleep is really, really important to me. In my opinion families who get a good night rest get a good days play.
Sleep is so fundamentally important to me and my hubby that even before our first child was born, we decided to actively study it. Following the many sleepless nights of my firstborn son, this lead me to study harder and faster. I never realized at that time what an expert on sleep I would eventually become and never had the intention of making this part of my career. I am so happy however that I went this route because it has been something that I have coached more clients than I can count on as an issue, and have approx 99% effectiveness rate from the feedback that I have received from these clients, colleagues and friends.
I am thrilled to know that I have made a difference in the beds, the moods and the overall family satisfaction of many families.
I am a firm believer that from infancy to 5yrs old we have a massive teaching opportunity as parents. It is in these important years that we set the stage for everything else. If we can get it right at this stage-the road is so much easier the rest of the way. Is it possible to undo bad habits past the age of 5yrs-absolutely-but be prepared to work much harder!
When I work with sleep in children my first question to the parents is “Are you happy with the way you, your partner and your child sleep?” If the answer is “yes” I send them away very quickly. They save a lot of money and I save a lot of time. I have no problem at all with the family bed, kids having erratic schedules or midnight snacks as long as the parents are happy and satisfied and that this lifestyle does not interfere with their overall family satisfaction. Secondly what makes a difference too is that the child is happy, well-adjusted and healthy with the amount of sleep they are getting. My motto in coaching is “don’t fix what’s not broken-there will be plenty of other areas to fix down the road.”
Some however fall into the category of “I don’t mind my child going to sleep at midnight and getting up at 6am” but fundamentally this is bad for the child-for her mood, her growth, her developmental milestones etc.. Children need a certain amount of sleep, just as they need certain nutrients, for their age. When I am faced with this situation I often ask the parents to consult their pediatrician before coaching them.
In our home, and in the homes of the parents I have coached on sleep the following is true:
· Kids have a regular bedtime regardless of how awake or tired they are. This bedtime may differ for weekends and special occasions
· Kids all have consistent weekday and weekend wake up times and stay in their rooms until that time in the mornings
· Kids after tuck in time do not come out of their bedrooms for snacks and juice and water
· Kids have no sleep aids to are associated directly with sleep (bottles, pacifiers, rocking ,TVs in room etc..)
· Kids are taught early on to manage their own sleep patterns and to be independent
· Kids sleep in their own rooms past 6 months always unless they are very ill or a special date night to be in the parents bed
· Kids below the age of 5 have regular nap times that turn into quiet times in their beds if they are not sleeping at that time anymore
· Parents have time in the evenings for themselves, as a couple, or to compete work. They can count on this time 100% every evening
· Parents don’t need to go to sleep with their kids just because their kids ask them to. They have their own adult bedtimes
· Parents have relaxing time in the mornings before the kids get up in the morning to prepare for their day, have coffee and read the paper if they wish
· Parents feel a sense of peace knowing their kids are getting the amount of sleep their bodies need.
The system that I teach on sleep is very simple and I work with families on a case by case basis to really understand their particular household routines, identify their values around sleep, look at family schedules and get to understand the kid’s temperaments, habits and personalities.
Fundamentally the system:
· Works within 2 weeks of putting into place (at maximum)usually 3 days is average
· There is a signed contract between the 2 parents of what the agreement is for sleep
· There will be a lot of “crying it out” at the beginning but peace for the rest of the child’s life basically around sleep
· The parents must be very tough for the implementation of the program, but after it is learned by the child and family the routine of putting a child to bed and tucking them in is a pleasurable, cooperative and enjoyable time of day that all parties involved look forward to.
· Children very quickly adapt and have a sense of pride that they are capable of going to sleep on their own
So enough about sleep-because I have to get some myself now too! I will be talking about sleep many, many times on this blog as it is a true passion of mine and I am in complete awe of the body, the brain and family routines around sleep. I love it so much I will probably put you to sleep at one point just hearing me talk about it! It’s one of my obsessions in life and I love sharing what I know and have studied for so many years.
As with any of my posts on parenting- I am passing along information that has worked for me and on which I coach on, but my way is obviously and definitely not the only way either. You need to do what works for your family and what you believe in. If you are happy already with your family sleep patterns-you should skip this post-if you are blurry eyed-miserable and looking for a helping hand check my blog every once and a while around sleep.
So much, much more on sleep coming soon!
Coming soon in this section (Baby to 5 yrs-Teaching Them)
· Intercoms
· My secret sleep invention
· Siblings and the arrival of a new baby
· Time outs
· Early alignment between couples
· Sharing Baby with Dad
· Establishing discipline and order early on
· The importance of schedules
· The importance of rituals
· Back to work!
· And Much Much more
