I guess we are all different as Mothers. Some of us get really stressed out and worried when our kids fall down and get hurt, others it’s worry over bad grades. Some find the first day of separation at kindergarten grueling, and others it is the first day of college that is hardest.
For me it’s always been about my kids and their friends. Various things break my heart on various levels.
I am sad when my kids are not included by someone. I am sad if my kid excludes someone else. I feel really worried when my kid is not invited to a birthday party and even more stressed when my kid leaves out his own best friend to his party. Friendships…are complicated and it is so hard to watch this part of my kid's lives evolve.
As much as it is fascinating. It gives me tremendous pleasure when things are going well and breaks my heart when I perceive that they are not. I hate the feeling of knowing that my kid is feeling sadness or causing sadness for others. And now I can officially say I have been through all scenarios with all three kids.None of it is easy for me or them.
(The only good part of all of this is that I tend to focus on one poor kid of mine much less often and now it has expanded to the other lucky two! Easier to spread the worry and stress three ways!!!!) Distracts me a lot from one.
I know however that these experiences in childhood prepare them for adulthood. And for marriage,. And partnership. Without these lessons they will never fully bloom.
And I don’t really know what exactly about the childhood friendship area affects me the most. I was a fairly popular child and teenager with many friends and little social issues, so not really sure why this issue eats me at the very core?
Maybe because I was an only child (two half brothers so good part of childhood spend alone during week) . For me being alone a good part of time and so dependent on my parents for fun and entertainment, made the friends I had life lines in many ways.
I needed them desperately. I loved them.
Since most others had full time siblings and I had to wait for the weekend until mine came, my friends became almost siblings in many ways. I felt when they left that it was boring at home in many ways and craved the bustle of other households where the kids had built in chaos and playmates much of the time.
I seemed to always want a sleepover. Lucky for me my parents did not perscribe to the attachment theory method of parenting which includes the no-sleepover rule or I would have been faced with a lot of trouble. Sleepovers were oxygen for me in so many ways. I had many.
Even as an adult, friends are widely important to me. Most women my age who get to a stage of conflict or find themselves growing apart from a friend, let it go and gradually over time possibly lose the relationship together.
I in a number of situations over my adulthood have dealt with difficult issues head on because I can’t bear the thought of losing a precious friend without exploring, discussing and dealing with whatever is on the table.I have always gone to extremes when it comes to friendship it seems. Just as I would with my family.
My friends are just way too precious to me. They remain my lifelines on so many levels.
And like childhood friendships they change as we change. And even at this age I find that hard to deal with. How can I expect a 10-14 yr. old to do this?
How can I expect them to understand that that person you once cherished and had over everyday of your life now prefers another friend than you and does not want to see you? Or make my child understand that even if he is not your best friend now but was for the last 4 yrs., that yes it is important to still include him because he cares about you? Or have a tween understand that birthdays, graduations and other events are milestones and that not inviting someone to those events will pull part your relationship forever? Or that it is ok to feel totally upset and hurt if you are not included and to let it be known?
Life is tough, with wonderful magical moments in between.
So as summer starts… friends are on my mind. The plenty of them and the lack of them. The ones parading through my home on a constant basis and the ones who used to parade and now have vanished. The neighbors my kids run to and the ones they hide from.
There is nothing quite as strong for me as my children being good friends to others and my wish for them to be adored by many.
That’s just the way it seems to be around here in my heart.
