It really hit me today:
That I have a hell of a lot of work to do in the next 5
yrs.
I have been telling my kids over the last number of years
that by the time Beauty is finished grade 10 (so kids 16, 18, 20yrs), I would likely
have a whole new career. A very exciting one likely involving having written a
few really good books and likely being a motivational keynote speaker
travelling around the word talking about parenting and life in general. Or even
have my own popular talk show!!!. ( big goals I know! I feel best to set the
bar high and aim towards it)
So at the dinner table the other night in front of a
bunch of friends Beauty says” Ya my Mom
in 5 years is going to make a whole bunch of money and be really really busy
and popular”
And that scared me!!!!!
I only have 5 yrs??? It used to be 10 yrs..then 8 yrs…how
did we get to 5 yrs all the sudden?
It’s too soon. I feel like all my attention right now has
to be on two things 1) my work-to provide for us and our family lifestyle 2) my family (in the reverse order or the
order I wrote it. Both.)
I have a very cushy, well paid, interesting and
challenging management pharmaceutical role. It’s where I need to be. I can
never lose this role or company. Fits me and my lifestyle like a glove.
I have three kids who are in (or are going into too) the
most turbulent times of their lives and need me and my guidance more than ever.It’s
not academic guidance they need…it is ME. Often. THERE.
And that is how it is and where I am at.
In 10 years I will have all the time in the world-but for
now I do not. And it is a blessing.
So I will co-author the book I’m currently half way
through. Next year or the year after I will likely tackle my own book as has
been a dream of mine forever and my thoughts are almost spilling onto the pages.
And I will prepare that keynote motivational talk. It will be funny, and creative
and inspiring, full of music and photography and dance. It will be an experience.
It will make people think, and laugh and cry. I wrote about it in a previous
blog. It is my future dream.
I will think it all up and rehearse it.But likely it will
stay inside of me beyond 5 years…that is what I am thinking. It will be for me for now.
Maybe I will change my mind on this. And maybe I won’t.
But how could I possibly get up on a stage or publish a
book that advocates for following your heart and being the best you can be for
your family…when by the very nature of having that book or talk or show…that I
would be often away from where I need to be? And not only need to be but knowing I
need to be there? Even contributing to a book takes so much time sometimes I don’t
know how I am possibly pulling this off? I take the time from weekends, cuddles
with the kids, phonecalls with friends……precious time. But I love writing it!! Torn!
Motherhood is forever.
That being said-the chickadees only stay for a short
time. Trust me……trust me. I know. I can feel one…..turning into a full on chicken
right in front of my eyes. Feels like tonight in particular-he actually became
a rooster.
My rooster still.
Our rooster.
5-6-7-8-9-10??
