When you look at your children..you don’t only see the
people they are now…but everything they were, they are, and they have been -all
rolled up into one. Each thing they do you remember that little baby face
peering at you through the bars on the crib, the chubby toddler hands reaching
up for the coffee table, the arithmetic being learned and the first book he/she
read at school.
So it doesn’t matter if now they are not those kittle
babies and kids –they will always be to you.
I was looking today and how much our vacations have
changed at your cottage over the years. I compare my life to my friend the same
age as me who has three young children under the age of 5 and I keep saying “I
remember that exactly!!!”
Today was not the day after homecoming I expected and
anticipated. I had a very grumpy and rude teenager on my hands for more than 24
hrs. after camp…. one aloof on, and another one fairly neutral. A list of a
thousand fun things to do and eat and no keenersL Things changed mid day today (thank
goodness) Everyone got back into he family groove vs the peer grove and we had
a wonderfully relaxed day. But a different day. Very different.
Music is the new thing around here. Loud loud loud music being
blasted and danced too all day long. Not as much tube rides coveted. Lots of
Jacuzzis outside (with music blaring) Lot of snacks being taken without
permissions, lots of boys naked doing dishes!!! Laughs in the grocery stores
all together (on attend le gros party ce soir???) Huge and over an hour long conversations
at the dinner table from engineers to funny first names. Tons of laughs.
And the camp talk comes slowly out. And the girls and
boys they like. And the slow song comes on and they all show us how they danced
with their partners. One asks to turn it off as it makes him sad to miss her.
Lots of asking when we will be going home so they can see their friends and new
girls. Sorry kids two more weeks here! Poor you!
Very very different than when they were little.
Boys inside with their Dad now watching a violent, volatile,
prejudiced movie together and laughing. Beauty and I cuddle out here in the
porch all bundled up on our computers. Times are changing.
And as much as they confuse me sometimes. I love these
times. Adore them with the same fierce love that I have loved all the stages.
Each in a different way.
Laundry together, groceries, whipper snippers. Another
post on that later as our lives are changing. Big changes. No more housekeeper!
Savvy and I texted this morning and she said something
very true. The next 5 years are like being back to diapers and sleeping at
night. Back to a territory that is unfamiliar and that we have to learn. That
we have not mastered yet. All new.
The alienation after camp, the difficulties with
transition, the talking back, the sullen attitudes. All part of the packages
that comes with hormones, independence and adolescence. If you can hack it and
tolerate there is always a rainbow at the end of the tunnel. You just have to
wait for it to get a peek…and then expect the clouds to return again, with
glimmers of sunshine in between. Many breaks of sun.
It’s all about expectations. All of it. The last 6 yrs
have been pretty stable and easy. Now there is some turbulence. And there will
be plenty more. I think we always wrongly assumed that we were fairly done at
this point and things would be smoother.
Not
so.
So as I adjust to slow dancing in the kitchen and having
to come outside to talk to my husband and away from the music, as I lose my
rights to fun family movies and as kids get taller than me each day and my
shoes too small for them. As they take all my best hoodies, and stay up later
than me. As we throw out all the chewable medication in the house and they take
on their own laundry..
I smile.
I adore.
I feel blessed.
That we are all still together. As a family. Intact. In
love.
A blessing on every count.
Every step of the way.
