This
week in particular I have been changing my frame of mind. For example I never
thought I was a morning person but this week I told myself I have to be one and
now I seem like I am. I took delight early this morning in watching the pink
sky glimmer on the way to driving the boys and made a stop at gym early for a
workout. It felt great and I will repeat this tomorrow just for the fun of it.
My
husband always plays this really weird CD in the car when he drives the boys.
It is “Perrus” of or something? Totally a Quebec French thing and usually as
soon as I hear it I go crazy and want to turn it off. Today I and the boys
played it and I laughed out loud at it! We were carpooling and had another kid
in the car who is french too-I hope the CD is not offensive or pornographic or
something. Since in Quebec French I really have no clue. Oh well.
And
then there is the garbage and recycling I have decided to be responsible for.
It’s actually not that bad. I can’t say it is fun-but it is not that bad.
And
today I decided I was a girl who took time to get ready in the morning and not
shove my hair in a ponytail. I did nice makeup and eyes and did my hair nice. I
put perfume on and a sparkly body lotion and really took time to look nice. I
felt good all day and a really cute guy at work also told me I looked really
nice with my dark hair (I interpreted that he meant I smelled good and looked
sparkly of course )
And
for some reason I thought that this week would be really hard..It is just one
of those weeks but I find myself trying to add up all the small good things in
a day and the sum of the makes this week more pleasant. Nice texts, a chicken
soulvlaki, a kiss from my son, Downtown Abbey, a good magazine, a chat with a
friend, loving my husband…a hot shower with cupcake body wash before bed. All
the simple stuff.
And
whenever I feel sadness I try and let it in and keep it there. And then change
up my thoughts afterwards and not before.
I think I am the most emotionally healthy right now I have ever been in my
life. And I will grow even more-I can
feel it. The space I am in right now is very very healthy and it keep going
upwards. I am on fire.
I
so deserve this-I have worked so hard. The fruits of years and years of labor
are possibly coming to me?
And
I can unblock toilets too
And
I know how to salt a driveway
And
I heat up lots of ordered meals. Really deliciously too.
(Hubby
away for a bit for training for work)
I
am becoming so “V” ..that “V” might want to become “T” soonJ
Anyway
there are also a lot of big subjects I am changing my thoughts on. And that I have changed my thoughts on. And it
makes a difference to change thoughts. I am so into the whole cognitive
behavior method it is not even funny.
If
I had a religion it would be CB (cognitive behavior among other things). I mean
my Buddha is great and all but each time I go to try and pray to him I think to
myself “I don’t need him..I need ME! But thank Buddha for reminding me) You are
cool anyways.
So
going home now and will gas the car…and put the ski rack on car….will shovel
driveway and put out garbage. Will likely unblock a toilet or two and start all
over tomorrow. I could think this
sucks-or I can think this is an opportunity. To get my hands a little
dirty, wash off and go to bed with my yummy sparkling lotion on ..and get over
it. This is life and life is full of changing thoughts and behaviors. I am sure
soon cleaning up the puke (literally) will be coming me way.
I
can either scream and cry and stomp my feet and
never stop-or I can work on framing things in exactly the direction I need
to move in.
Last
night I went to bed in a panic and a sweat and told myself that in daylight I
would be ok.
Guess
what? I am.
I
will never be the mouse in the maze saying “Who moved my cheese”. Because although
I also love and cling to my old cheese-I am fully ready to take on new cheese too.
It’s
time girl.
