Last night Beauty slept in bed with me at the cottage.
She had a bad cold and tossed and turned a good part of the night. In the
morning I watched her sas she slept and woke ..slept and woke over an hours’
time. True to form as the dancer she is she stretched and stretched and
stretched, Not the kind of stretching you and I would do-but a synchronized dance
of muscles being used and stretched even though she was half asleep. She got
her body ready for the day even thought she was sick. She realized what her body
needs before the day became in in her sleep. She basically did a warm up in bed
in her sleep-leg up in air and touching toes and almost the splits. I have
never seen anything like it and learnt to much about my daughter.
At her ski competition yesterday my Mom came with us and commented
that all the girl skiiers have the same build. All long and slim and muscular.
I told her this was not coincidence-I think to do this sport you have to be mega
in shape .I mean the girl with a cold trained Friday night until midnight on
the slopes and competed all day Saturday. They need their bodies to be like
this to be able to perform in that way.
And it got me thinking about want vs need. I have realised
that in my life the best moments arise through the two being combined: I want
to make cake pops with my daughter and I need to because she needs to learn to
bake. I want to sit with my son and show him how to chop wood and he needs to
learn to help with the fire. I want to call a BFF who’s grandmothers is in the
hospital and sick and I need to because she
is hurting and needs me.
These are synchronicities. They are perfect.
But what about the things I need to do but do not want
to? I need to exercise more but I would rather sit here writing this blog. I
need to call a long lost aunt on her birthday but I don’t have any desire
too-and pure obligation. I want to say here all day at the cottage but I need
to get home early as there is a huge unexpected storm.
These ones hurt. Sometimes bad.
And then there is the wanting but not needing. I want to
have a massage but I had one last week and don’t need one. I want to call my friend
and talk on the phone but I need to shovel my car from under the snow. I want
to talk my husband and tell him about the storm but I know right now that is
not needed.
As I saw my daughter stretch in bed today unconsciously I
realize how in tune whose is with her body’s needs. Her wants and needs are matched?
Are mine?
And then being on the receiving end of something-it feels
so much better when the person giving wants to vs needs too. That special birthday
card or call you were not expecting-a late night text chat that makes you both
feel good and almost pee your pants from laughing so hard, the neighbor who offers
to watch you drive up the hill to make sure your car will make it. The friend who
takes the kids skis back home. Not because they need to or feel obligated, but
because they truly want to help you because it helps you..and it helps them
feel good about their live and worth too.
And asking for help can be hard and receiving it even
harder until you realize that it is a want and need for both parties. People
want to be needed. You need to be wanted.
Again life’s most perfect synchronicity at play without
any energy or thinking involved.
Over these few weeks I am keenly aware of my wants and
needs perhaps for maybe the first time in my life. I feel like I am on a
massive exploration and have no idea what I will find
