I
left work for 30 minutes right in the middle of the morning..and I went back to
drive by my childhood home. And then I went by the lake right beside that home
where we let my Father’s ashes blow to the wind a couple of years ago.
And
out loud I said a prayer by that lake.. To my Dad.
And
I asked my Father who has passed away to help me now. That was something I had
never done in my life while he was alive..not to tie a shoelace..not to make me
a bowl of chicken soup when I was sick, not to help with homework, not to pick up a fallen scarf that I dropped, not to make me dinner or a snack , not to wake me up in the morning, not to drive me to a freinds home, not to recommend a
book, a friend, a movie or a career.
I
decided it was time that he helped me now.
It was time to ask
for what I rightfully deserve.
So
I looked up to the sky and down to the lake and asked to mainly be released…from
me. From the huge weight of emotional responsibility that I have created and feel I carry for
those around me I love. I asked him to give the people around me strength to
make good decisions for themselves from this point on.
I
thanked him and said goodbye. Knowing that he would never refuse what I am
asking him since I have never asked him for anything else. If he heard me-and I
bet he has been listening-I bet he will help me out. Just this once. He has probably been waiting all
his life for me to need him.
I
need him today.I need him in his death
And
so then I went back to work. And I created presentations and made big decisions.
I went home and locked up what was there.
And
then I left work and drove to a place far far away.
A
place that seemed so distant a few weeks ago but now seem nearer.
And
I drove and I drove.
Because
really….it is now time to say hello.
And Hello is what I have to offer.
