This
is a great book I have been meaning to read for over a decade. Today was the
day.
Unlikely
given that I am at a big party. A college reunion of sorts for my Hubby and a
bunch of his friends at a Caban a Sucre and the gorgeous cottage now of one of
his long time and close friends. It was a great day .
And then it was time for games for the afternoon.
I quite hate board games .. So I gave myself my own gift.
I
asked our hostess if she would be offended if I snuggled up on a couch in the
solarium overlooking the mountains to read by myself while the other 30 people
gathered in different corners of this huge cottage and played various games for
7 hrs straight !
Of
course she said yes and I am having a great afternoon blogging and reading.
I
love seeing my boys play and win poker. For money too! Certainly a new stage.
Bear literally almost cleaned out 12
poker playing adults!!! Chase played too for hours and had a great day. They
seem to love hanging out with adults and adults seem to love hanging out with
them.
I
love seeing my daughter run around this massive property with two younger boys
she met here and them call her for some reason by her full formal name and not
the short name that everyone else calls her by. They both asked for her phone
number and were completely enamored :)) It's a good day. And Gifts of the Sea is
a real treat.
I
love the way she describes marriage and its stages. In the same way a child
goes through various development stages so does a marriage.. And it needs to in order to be healthy long term. If it does
not go through each stage she says something is wrong and trouble will hit
eventually. You can’t skip a stage .
Just
like an adolescent.
After
finishing that chapter I observed the 15 couples around me and tried to guess
how many years they had been married? Less than 7 yrs? More than 10? More than
15? 25??
It
was an easy test. Even without knowing these people well I scored 90 percent.
It's obvious. And through reading this book it was even clearer.
Nothing
to do with the clichés of affection of non-affection. So much more than that.
Each phase has a different look.. A feel... And each stage is just as beautiful
as the next.. And just as different. You can see a marriage and its stages.
The security and comfort that builds year after year . Year after year having
less and less to prove to the outside world and also to each other . The
comfort and security that comes with every passing year of being loved and
loving as the author puts it.
And
then she talks about the importance of alone time in life with yourself,. as a
couple, with each child.
“Don't sit under the
apple tree with anyone else but me" is how she describes a child's innate need
to have his or her parents know him outside of the larger family.
In
that space where there is no competition or equality or inequality or fairness.
To be loved alone.
Her
words solidified my reasons for our alone trips with each of our children. That
precious time for them and us. It sounds silly but I can't wait until next year
for that trip with Beauty to truly and utterly bond with her. Imagine waiting
for a trip to do so??? Silly! But shows the impact those trips have. Bear has
probably become the closest person in my life since his trip and because of his
trip.
I
love the gifts that gifts of the sea offered me on marriage and parenthood. And
I am not even finished yet.
I
decided that by opting out of games today instead of grinning and bearing it..
To be true to myself.. And to honor my time and my soul. To give myself what I
needed and craved.
There
is never enough time in time to do what we want to do. When we have the
opportunity of that time... We need to use it. And indulge in it.. And claim it
as our own
I
will head downstairs now to have drinks and eat a lovely dinner and dessert. I
will hold my husband in a close hug and be grateful for our almost 17 yrs of
marriage and for the life and love and
comfort and security it continues to give us everyday. The foundation of our lives that we have built long and hard and carved out it seems forever.
And
I will plan for at some time in the next year my gift of the sea and perhaps a
few wonderful days of solitude. A few days or maybe even a week where I
sequester myself in solitude at the cottage, on the lake, near the water and
the mountains..... To write my little heart out and to write the book that has
been inside of me for years
A
separate project and in addition to the book I am co-authoring and that I am also so
excited about.
My
book. Mine. The book that feels like
it has been inside of me for a lifetime the one that Oprah the other night
inspired in me to be written out loud and spoken one day. I am really really
excited about the next decade of my life. A few years ago I was not fully in
this space. Now I am again and that feels so good. I am finally there. I am starting to know what peace feels like.
I
think I have finally arrived at my final destination..
The
beginning of Phase 2.
Until
recently I never really knew a Phase 2 existed!
