I am finally starting to understand why companies
when they want you to grow as a team have you do really mundane things like washing
floors and picking up sticks for charity. I think there is something in the
boringness that bonds people…something in the annoyances of it all that brings resistant
people together (those who are actually present
and remain for the activity anyways)
I tried to build this at home this weekend. Aiming high
for a jovial climate and a feeling of belonging and inclusiveness in our family
around Hubbys new office. Tried is
the major word you need to understand here.
I ended up succeeding this weekend-but trust me the road
was long and rocky. I read a post in a fave blog the other day that once again solidified
to me how important it is for readers to get a true sense of the life we are
posting about. This woman wrote how one of her best friends said to her when
she was complaining about her teens” By reading your blog you would never ever
know this” Plain sad in my opinion. What is the point of great record keeping
if you leave out your worries, concerns, sadness and anxiety?? How real is
that? Doesn’t authenticity count for something? She defended herself by saying
she never wanted to “incriminate” her teens on her blog. Does making mistakes
and being human warrant incrimination??? Poor soul..I feel sad for her she
feels the need to feel so perfect.
Most of us (me included) go to her blog because it is fairy-tale
like and fictitious. All the stuff occurs-she just leaves out anything nasty,
bad, mean or anxiety provoking in raising 5 kids!! It’s a serious break from
our own lives and crises!
So I created a team yesterday in my home. 27,500 deeds
(aka huge files) were delivered to our garage on Friday. And 150,000 lbs of
filing cabinets. Yes. Yes. Yes, All the files needed to be put into the
cabinets in numerical order and under lock and key. They needed to get into
these safes asap to be protected by water, fire and sunlight. I am serious
here. Big huge and important job.
So I assembled a team! My three kids! I managed them and
myself focused on spring cleaning every
corner of my house. Being a Manager
rocks. At first they were super excited “I get to be a secretary!” “I want to
be a notary one day it is so cool!”
That lasted 5 mins.
The boys who were the heavy hands and strength in this
massive task started carrying and moving what seemed liked hundreds of crates near the
cabinets they belonged too. They were amazing and working as a team! Until they
somehow ended up in my driveway screaming and beating each other up!!!
What I hate about spring and summer is how my neighbors
have to hear me screaming and swearing at my kids so often. Winter is better
for privacy. Even if I bring the kids inside them windows are still open and I have
loud voice when I am ready to kill them!
So of course I threatened them, screamed at them and made
them feel like crap for not supporting their own dad. That helped a lot. Guilt
works with my kids especially when administered in hysteric tones.
Then my daughter who was super excited all week to play secretary
got her turn and everything was so heavy and cumbersome that she worked for an
hour by herself but cried the whole time because all this physical work made
her dizzy. I just let her cry. At least the work was being done! (I understood
too as I felt like crying scrubbing toys at an old smelly daycare last year for
charity day of my company but was too proud to cry)
Anyways it all got a lot better.Oh no it did not ..there
was more wait.
Then Chase flat out refused to interrupt his homework
(Concerta focus!!!!) to come down and help again. He just said “No”. He also
refused to come to the picnic lunch at the new office. Again he just said “No”.
I tried to wrack my brain and remember from the 750 parenting teen books I seem to have read what to do in such a situation?
I could not remember. I was too furious for thought.
So I just did what came intuitively and naturally to me.
I called him out and started screaming really loud in his face with a lot of swears
words a teen his age can relate to. I frothed at the mouth for effect (for
real). That’s seemed to be super effective! The rest of the day he was an
angel!
(yes yes I do a lot of parenting coaching and I am actually
pretty good when advising others. Please come back soon?)
The rest of the day went super smoothly! Teamwork was
built! A bit like Survivor where it takes a little time to bond and get it
right but then everyone is all buddy buddy and lives happily ever after!!!
We made a beautiful picnic lunch and all took it over to
the new office and actually ate outside on the patio furniture that will be
there permanently. Hubby and his team worked so hard and are still working so hard
and we thought they needed a nice lunch break. It was so nice to get to know
them better and eat with them.
But why oh why did those two skinnies not eat the chips
and cupcakes? What is happening here? I have to admit it was a bit odd to see
my husband under the table lying down with his office manager but hey that is
what needs to be done if a screw is loose right?
It was strange to see the deep comraderie among my hubby
and his girls at work. Felt a bit odd but I was super happy for him and them. They
have a great team and I am glad for the teamwork (without the yelling and swearing)
he has created over the years. I was proud of Hubby and I that we both are
secure enough in our marriage to allow for the friendships with the opposite
sex and feel happy for each other because of it. His colleagues are his cherished
relationships and so are my male colleagues for me; they all enrich our lives and our hearts in a special way. I was
happy to be included in his team today and for the kids to feel part of it all.
All part of my master plan of teamwork!
The afternoon was a piece of cake. My kids felt scared
and threatened enough to complete the job in record time in our garage. We did
not think this humanly possible. They even threw in a freebie of cleaning the basement
and helping me bring down all the bags of clothes to give away from the closet.
They managed to get along, help each other out and not kill eachother. They
even made a few jokes along the way.
I considered this an excellent day.
I could have just written this blog and told about how at
5:30pm as their Dad came home exhausted but face beaming of pride for their
hard works and hugging them delighted me. I could have included the toast we
did on the balcony in the sun with the special soft drinks (and martinis I) to recognize all this work. I could have
talked about how accomplished I felt for putting together such a team and
succeeding at such a task.
I could tell you how sweet my kids are and are cooking us
a fancy dinner tonight as we are cashing in our traditional Christmas coupon where
they kids plan and buy food and cook for us once a year.
But..that is only part of the story isn’t it? An
important part..a true part..and authentic part. A heartwarming part. But to
get there is a lot behind the scenes..a lot of nagging..and management.
But that is what I want to record. Both. This is not a
blog to impress you. Or a blog for me to look back on and remember only the
good moments. I want to remember it all.
I want to remember real life. All of it. In it’s splendor.
This beautiful chaotic orchestra I feel I have had a lot
to do in creating. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. And hopefully
something in the way I handle it or don’t handle it-will inspire you…to even
when the going gets tough- to stick with it all….hang in there…..and calm down
enough to keep your focus.
To have 27, 500 deeds neatly tucked away into their fireproof
vaults by three children who managed to get it together enough to have a day
where they came out feeling proud, rewarded, included and part of this big and
important project. Where they each said something at the office picnic that
made me realize I had achieved my goal despite the wrestling, attacks and
hositility. I translate from French to English:
Child 3 “I am going to sweep up a bit the parking lot as
looks a little messy”
Child 2-“I still can’t believe this belongs to us” (said
to his Dad’s staff who have been working away for months trying to get it all
organized and ready and who responded “Yours?? It’s OURS!!!”
Child 3-Dad can you take a look at your agenda? I want to
come and eat lunch with you. Thursday good?…and then we can go across the
street for an icecream together. You can pay”
Every single nasty moment was worth this. All of it.
Gold. Music to my tired ears. Oxygen to my exhausted screaming mouth. And above
all joy and contentment to my happy heart overflowing with pride and love for
my family and the team we have created.
This day and everyday.
