If you are in a good mood right now-you may want to stop
reading this blog.
This day is crap and so was yesterday. I cancelled pretty
much everything I had today to just wallow in my own resentment, anger and
bitterness. Nothing specific just a bunch of crap that adds up over time and
then spills over.
Mainly I am tired of dealing with the same type of crap
over and over and over again.
My husband really, really, really does not do well with
change and transition. That is a fact; he is the first to admit this so no
offense or surprise to him. So when change occurs-the world tumbles down. No
matter what I do or what I try it does not make a difference. Ever.
Let’s try a different strategy of support-Tarina will
focus on her own stuff for the next two weeks entirely and stay silent and
away. Hopefully this has better success in showing partnership and support. I
have never used distance and alientation
as a means of supporting someone but maybe I will try this now.
Today is just a bad day. Every blog I have read this
morning annoyed me. The stupid emails I am getting in my inbox are angering
me-but I know deserved as luck is not drawn to people who are mean and bitter.
The 17 page document of sports equipment I have to go buy or rent for my son to
go sleep on top of a mountain in a tent for three days in the USA is infuriating
me. The woman at the gym who goes 5 times
a week and seems to be getting fatter by the day is making me insane. And the
car we just got washed that is now full of bird crap from our big oak tree is
really grating my nerves.
Today was supposed to be a brighter day. It really isn’t.
Yup sometimes a lesson hits you good and plainly in the
face doesn’t it? It’s time for me to shift gears. Change strategies. Stop doing
the same things I do that don’t have success.
I think it may be time to plain old give up in some areas
of my life. Hopelessness has a friend today. It has reared it’s ugly head
before and it will again.
And even when I am this pissed at least I can say I am
authentic. Even if most of you would prefer I wasn’t?
PS-I will be back.
PSS-sorry for references to swearing and swearing in last
couple of days. As my friend and I (now in Swiss share) when you have days like
this nothing in the world feels better than a good swear session. I am glad my
kids don’t take an active enough interest in my life to read this.
PSSS- I generally
try to be a pleasant role model for my kids and a good citizen
