Things I need (and don’t need) in my life

(Some bragging here as have accomplished alot lately. If that irritates you pls don't read on..:))))

In the last 3 years I have been on a quest (which if you read this blog you will understand) ..to find peace and happiness. I have always had an abundance of happiness in my life in many ways and in some way not enough. In terms of peace in the last year is ironically the only time I have ever felt it. I knew for me these two elements were critical to experience my best life and like any other project I take on I don’t give up until I get it.

Three years later I am still on my quest which will probably be lifelong-but I am SO much further than I was three years ago…or even for the last 41 yrs. I am actually desperately proud of myself. Besides on this blog I rarely talk about this to anyone. But the work it has taken me to get from three years ago when I made the decision to change to now- is still shocking to me.

While working and being promoted. While raising three kids. While having unexpected health stuff toucher lives….while writing a book
(last chapter done last week!!!) And while living normal life too with all the normal ups and downs. I never thought I could do this. But I have. And I will..forever

So this year has felt a little bit like the grand finale…bringing my more physical/ esthetic needs into the picture where formally was based on more mental/situational etc.. I have come a long way. Yesterday from 6am to 11pm I worked a 10 hr day..Saw my chiro…saw my psychologist who is helping me so much during last 4 months and attended a two hour mindfulness/meditation/ yoga practice with my husband. And I got 8 hrs of sleep. I realized yesterday how far I have come.Each appt for chiro or mindfulness or psychologist I thoroughly resented.. I did not want to go. But the impact and benefits were plentiful. I chose the right thing. I amke a Series of Good Decisions (this is my next book total so shhhhhh!)

So here is my list of what I now know I need for sure in a day –a week…and a year. I am sure there are more but here is what comes to mind right now. As I read this I feel so happy as many of these were not easy for me..Required huge amounts of investments of time energy and money, and emotional and psychological energy from me. And I did them anyways.

I need to work at a career where I feel valued and autonomous. I need a large corporation with a high level career that mentally and socially stimulates me.

I need 7 hrs. of sleep during the week and 9 hrs  on weekends

I need to connect with friend and family by text many  days of the week

I need to walk outside each day for 25 mines

I need organization in my life. I always knew I needed agendas and lists and systems in house and charts but nebver knew I needed for organization day to day with dishes and beds and files and folders.

I need to have flexible working arrangements and be trusted to deliver with quality no matter what

I need to have dinner as a family at least 2 weekdays and two weekend days to feel compete

I need one hour a night with my husband to relax talk and watch TV. On weekends I need much more than this.

I need one on one time with each kid at least once a month

I need as many weekends as possible (aka 48) at the cottage to wind done and have some relaxation before the next week starts up

I need to be on a mild hormonal drug that regulates mood

I need to speak on phone or see a good friend or close family member at least once to twice per week

I need to see my Mom at least once a week in person or have a loooong conversation on phone with her

I need to do yoga or meditation at least 1-2 times a week

I need to lift weights two times a week

I need to pray when I am feeling helpless

I need to never gain a pound form this point of in my life and maintain my current weight and body. Ever.

I need to  most days feel like I have nice clothes and look pretty and stylish at work 

I need to have at least 14 days a year spent alone with my husband and away from the kids

I need to always have up to date photos framed and in albums and sorted for future pleasure

I need to tuck in my kids and lie with them in bed as often as possible

I always need to be married to a beautiful man who is totally family focused (thank god I love the one I have a he loves me).

 

I need to find space for relaxation even if 15 mins in any given day

I need to be there for my friends and family and them be there for me

i need to ask for help

I need to prioriotize and only give my attention to where it is essential and needed or where I feel it feels  good and worthwhile for me

I need to give good people the benefit of the doubt and forgive more easily

I need to eat good food every day and enjoy it. I need not to restrict myself too much in food choices for the next 5 years while I am working and raisding kids

I need to listen to the  news in my car

I need to wash my face before bed

I need to judge less and be less critical . I need to give people who are good the benefit of the doubt more often

I need to feel pretty showers gels on my body in the shower

 I need to get massaged and go in jacuzzis often

i need to ask for help more often and share my life more freely

 

I need to be near water very often

I need to hug, cuddle and kiss the people I love

I need to write something creative everyday

I need to read everyday

When in crisis I need professional help to get better

And then most importantly I need to know when I am doing too much. Our mindfulness course my Hubby is dropping out of as  killing us not to be home so many nights. Too much. We know when we need to let go of what we thought we needed. I  will stay in course  and he will go. Family decision. Sad but necessary

I need not to wear my lucky charm as much and trust the process more. And damn it I  actually do!.

I need to control much less. And damn it I have been able to!

I need to live in grey zone more often. And damn it I do!

 FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to indulge in the beautiful moments that make up life. Damn it I am well on my way!.

Ahhhhhh…the sweet feeling….of happiness ..peace and most importantly success.

And most importantly I have been able to keep this going through scoliosis of Beauty,  long term crisis with Hubby, major health crisis of mom, no help in house and a one woman show for 2 months, having the deadlines of book looming on my shoulders, son changed ADHD meds and many other normal things that disrupt life day to day  at work and homeon top of these biggies. Did I mention my eyebrow was burnt off by wax and it was so insignificant in terms of stress in my life I told nobody?

I have kept up yoga, , meditation, walks outside, connecting with friends and family, watching tv at night, reading, this blog, helping friends through crisis.and ps working 60 plus hrs a week often and raising kids. PSS. Staying married

I am walking the talk I teach others. I have been tested. Multiple times.My strategies work!I feel like the last 4 months was a huge life experiment. And I passed it. And feel more peaceful and happy.

And I feel that now I have the experience and credibility to stand up in a stage and teach something very valuable that I know I have successfully lived through myself. I want to stand up there one day and be credible and impactful  and SCREAM”

 JUST STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And: YES YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And the best part of this? I will stand up one day and shout that.